Everybody has a passion. Everybody has a story to tell

I am watching a movie this morning, The Soloist.  It is awesome.  It tells of a homeless man who is a master musician.

I don't want to give too much of the plot away but it really got me thinking about passions and people's history.  In life, we all come from different places.  We all have different reasons that we have ended up where we are.  Alot of times, we find ourselves stuck in the past.  We get ourselves stuck in a time when things were better.  We want to stay in the reality of one place in our lives that things were easy.

Often we get stuck because we are scared of failure.  We don't want to believe that we can succeed in any other ways.  We look at the high points, the mountain top places and don't ever want to take a leap of faith that might make us feel trapped.

Surviving and staying where things work make life simpler.  Surviving and just getting thru life means that we will never be hurt.

Basically what I am trying to say is everyone has a story.  Everyone has a place where they have been and it helps us to understand who we are.  I have worked with and known many people in my life.  I know people who are pursuing their dreams and never stop no matter what.  I know people who have no doubt of what they want in life and they get it no matter what it costs.

I also know many people who are scared, hurt, who fear taking that leap of faith.  It is so much easier just to survive than to trust in something they cannot see.  It is so much easier to stay where they are then to try something where they might get hurt.

Everyone has a story to tell.  Everyone has a reason that they are where they are.

Take that leap of faith and you will never be sorry.

AMEN

Everyone has top tens of the year -- yeah me too

As we close out the year, I am remembering an amazing year of new things and old.

10.  Swine flu part 1.  Yeah -- that was INTERESTING to say the least.  Having all of my kiddos at church that had school and didn't have school.  It was a riot and kinda fun.

9.  Youth Quake.  My junior high always love this event.  It is a mindblowing whirlwind weekend that helps kids realize there really is more to life than video games and mainstream music.  It is a weekend that .Jody and I always get to spend together.  He volunteers to lead workshops while I chaperone.  Probably one of the most interesting memory was taking the whole group to Herbert's Taco Hut.  My kids were scared of this rundown food place.  As we left, we got "wow, that was awesome!!!"  Really fun times.

8.  Schlitterbahn Christmas.  I still am amazed at the overpriced-ness of "entertainment."  That being said, watching Cade and Jody skid down the "bobsled" hill and watching Cade's light up with Santa and watching him on the Carousel made Schlitterbahn Christmas a FABULOUS family experience.

7.  Yarn Crawl.  There is no hiding the fact that I LOVE to yarn shop.  I loathe shopping for just about EVERYTHING else but what made the crawl THAT MUCH better this year was sharing the crawling with about 10 other people.  WAY too many yarn shops in 2 days but it was SO MUCH fun.  I got to take lives in my own hands making a Uturn outside of Fredricksburg.  I discovered the totally awesome yarn store in Wimberley.  Along with the Yarn Crawl I could also include the many knitting potlucks and get togethers over the year.  We laugh, eat, knit and just really have a lot of fun.  It is nice to have people that I can share interests with and call them friends.

6.  Swine Flu part 2.  Yeah, I got it.  It sucked.  Never have I lay motionless on a couch/bed for 5 days straight.  I had a yucky case of it.  I got way too comfortable watching TV.  I learned about dog snuggies (still think those are STUPID).  It helped me to see how sometimes slowing down will only happen if I can't do anything but.  (hard lesson)

5.  Certification School.  3 plus weeks at Lutherhill getting Certified in a profession I have now been in for 10 years.  I loved it.  It is still difficult to see myself as a life-r in youth ministry but I am.  I realized during that time just how called to youth ministry I was.  I reconnected with my calling and with God in one of the most sacred places in my life.  It was awesome.  It was reaffirming.

4.  ELCA Youth Gathering in New Orleans -- There were so many ups and downs, twists and turns.  It was crazy.  To look back and see the impact that a whole lot of high school youth had on New Orleans, it still brings me to tears.  To understand what we did in 4 short days, all I can say is WOW.  We really made a difference and had a lot of fun all at the same time.

3.  Christmas 2009.  My sister, 2 children, Jody, Cade, mother, father and me spent Christmas together.  This has never happened.  The last time Jessica and I spent Christmas together was probably 1996.  It was a wild and crazy couple of days but really was wonderful.  We had some fun memories and even funnier pictures.  Watching the 3 kids, all really close in age play together was alot of fun.  I wish it could have lasted longer.

2.  Climbing the rock tower at Lutherhill.  I am horrendously afraid of heights.  I do not like to not be in control.  I have difficulty with "trusting" others especially those that I do not know well.  When I found out that high ropes was a part of Cert School, I did not want to do it.  I hated the thought.  The fact that Pastor Ralph enjoyed the thought of me conquering my fears so much made me really wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.  I made it up part of the rock tower and then climbed the ladder straight to the top.  I hated not making it over the edge and actually going down the zip line but it took everything I had to make it to the top of the tower.

1.  Meditation and Prayer.  I have always felt connected to God.  I am a huge procrastinator.  Probably my most moving memories of the year have been those where I have spent time with God.  Spending time not worrying and not stressing, spending time in prayer over sick friends and youth, spending time concentrating on peace and love -- this has brought me closer to people I don't always get along with, this has brought me closer to my husband and son, this has reconnected me with a peace filled friend from my youth.  By making this intentional change in my life, I know that things will only go forward.


There are probably SO many other memories of 2009 that I could include in this list.  This really has been an AWESOME year of new and exciting things.  I know none of them are possible without my faith.

Peace and Love,
AMEN

Where do you put your trust?

I am on several different "devotional emails" that I have been signed up for here and there over the years.  Alot of them I probably never really read.  Some however, from time to time spark my interest and are profound thoughts that usually come at just the right time.  

One in particular that always has something good to say is from a pastor outside of Stonewall Texas.  I met him at a Via De Cristo weekend several years ago and he put all of us on his devotion list.  

Since I have been reading about peace and living in peace and so on here lately, this email from Pastor Percy really struck me in good ways.  Here is a copy of that email:

 "It seems to me that after loving God, my life goal may actually be to have peace within.  I cannot control how much disturbance I may get from outside my life, but to have peace within seems like the way to go.  So long as I am in control of my life, I will be uneasy and uncertain.  I have learned that.  But when God is trusted in one situation or anther, I find I am at peace in that circumstance.  The more I recognize that he is to be trusted the more peace I find within. 

            Jesus told the disciples on a couple occasions as he was leaving the physical world we live in that he gave them peace, not as the world gives, but peace.  That is my prayer.  Could it be yours?  “Father grant me peace and help me see you in all the circumstances and situations of my life."

We talk so much about needing control in our life and who is at the wheel driving our lives.  So much in today's world, we find that we don't trust God in the situations of life.  We find ourselves not wanting to have faith that God will provide, not wanting to have faith that God will be there in EVERYTHING.  


I have been starting my day with prayer more actively for the past few months.  My youth know that often, I carry around my prayer rock "peace" in my pocket when I find that I am unfocused.  


Awhile back I talked about reading a book about happiness coming from within.  All the yarn in the world will not make me happy.  All of the money in the world will not make me happy.  


I think Pastor Percy is right on by his understand that peace works the same way. When I put God in my driver's seat and realize that God is in control, I find that peace.  When I have realized lately that I need to give control to God and asking God how I might serve, there is peace.  Conflicts are handled more easily.  There is not frustration.  There is a calm.  There is an evidence of peace in my life that I have never experienced.


So, I reiterate the prayer from my friend Percy --

Father grant me peace and help me see you in all the circumstances and situations of my life. “ Help me remember God, that in all things, you are in charge.  YOU are God and I am not.  

AMEN 

Favorite Christmas Gift Experience and Favorite Christmas Experience

As we round the corner upon Christmas Eve, I thought it might be fun to look back at a favorite Christmas gift giving experience.

I love gift giving.  I love surprising people with something completely unexpected or exactly what they wanted (even though they had no idea I knew).

I am a hopeless procrastinator.  If I had time, I would be out on Christmas Eve buying presents.  With all that being said, being able to plan the "perfect" gift makes it all that much more fun.

One year when I was in college, my sister and I decided my mother needed a cd player and cds.  (yes this was before mp3s).  So, we set out.  I bought the cd player and we made a list of all of the artists she liked.  We found all the discounts we could and even told my father what cds he needed to go buy.

At this point, my mother was living alone.  She didn't have any music to listen to and just had the tv going.  One of her favorite artists was John Denver but she never got to listen to him.  Phantom of the Opera was her favorite musical, but she never got to listen to them.

My sister and I set out that year to fill my mother's musical needs all in one swoop.  It was fun.  (It is probably also the most congenial experience my sister and I have had together.... let's be honest).

Then let's advance the years to Cade's second Christmas.  My parents came to San Antonio and we were all supposed to have Christmas together.  Or, that was the plan,.  So, my father came with a stomach ache.  By Christmas Eve night, my mother and I were praying to the porcelain gods.  Within hours, my father and Jody joined us in our worship of the porcelain gods.  Cade never got sick  (Thank goodness).

Christmas morning, I honestly don't remember opening gifts.  Cade had a ball while we all sat green and motionless.  Our Christmas dinner sat in the fridge uneaten.  We all had saltines and chicken broth.  Let me add that finding saltines and chicken broth on Christmas day at a store is IMPOSSIBLE.

So why was this a favorite Christmas experience?  Well, we definitely bonded as a family.  As miserable as we were, we still got to watch Cade enjoying the opening of gifts.  As miserable as we all were, we still were alive and able to share Christmas.

Looking back we can laugh.  Looking back we can see the beauty of the togetherness that was shared.  that was what was important.

Merry Christmas

the places we don't want to go back to

So, yesterday I talked about our comfort places.  Comfort places are those places in our life that we felt loved, we found passion, we just had great feelings about.

But, what about the other side of it?  These are the sides we don't like to talk about.  These are the places, people and times that bring hatred, fear, frustration, sadness to light.  These are the times when nothing made sense when everything was hurt hurt hurt.

Many of these places cause us to change as individuals.  Because of the hurt, sadness and anger, we build shells and walls around us.  We don't let others in.  We find it very difficult to trust.  Much more than the valleys of our lives, these places are dark and ugly, sometimes with no view of a way out.

So, what if you had to go back to those places?  I can think of several people and times of my life that I would never want to relive.  These are times when all I wanted to do was lie in the fetal position and make the world go away.  If I had to go back there, I am not sure.

Many of us find times in our lives where we do have to face our ugliest, saddest most treacherous demons.  We have to revisit times in our lives where we didn't like the world around us or we didn't like ourselves.  For some, that is the scariest feeling in the world.  It is much easier to live in denial that that part of your life ever happened.  Facing those fears just doesn't seem worth it.  Or does it?

We all come to a time where we do see those demons.  We may even find that because we have grown and because we are different people, those demons aren't so scary anymore.  When we remember that even if that outside force of whatever kind of hurt it is cannot change who we are, it often makes it easier.  When we grow in love, faith and hope for the world and truly understand that that love is inside us, we can confidently face those demons.  We can look at the past as just that, the past.

AMEN

BUT MOMMY!!! I don't wanna go home

Ok, so I have talked a little about camp in these blogs.  Camp was one of the coolest times in my life.  I counted days until it started yearly and then cried  for hours on the way home.  I don't know that there was anything that much more amazing than my normal life, but camp was my comfort zone.

One of the songs out right now reminds me alot of daydreaming.

Owl City - Fireflies

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep

'Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhereWhy
You'd think me rude
But I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems


The song totally talks about daydreaming for me.  Camp was a place that I wanted time to stand still.  I wanted the week to last forever.  


Life is like that.  For alot of people, childhood was easier.  If they could go back and be a kindergartener, life would be so much easier.  Maybe you had a great high school experience (not me) and reliving your high school memories makes your heart sing.  


Why do we do that?  Why do we want to stay in those comfortable times?  Why do we not want to move on and instead stay in those places?  


Places of our comfort, places where we feel completely loved, places where we are on top of the world, are the best places on earth.  These places are places we go to in our dreams.  These are places that fuel our passion.  These are usually places where we feel no hurt.  


For me, conflict never happened at camp, not like in the outside world.  For me EVERYBODY loved me and I loved everyone.  So... how do we make those comfort zones part of our daily reality?  How do we make those experiences live on and find those experiences in daily life.  


If truth be told, yes camp was one of my favorite memories, but I have to say that I find new exciting experiences every day.  I have experiences that continue to shape me into who I am.  These experiences are priceless.  These experiences show me the love that I can share and show hourly.  


Where are your comfort places?

Learning in Process -- Proceed with Peace

Sometimes in life, we get to a point where we think we have it altogether and sometimes we figure out that we still have alot to learn.

Cade's preschool does a gift from Santa every year.  They do this instead of a gift exchange so that everyone gets something and parents know what their child is getting.  It is cute, a little weird but, whatever.  So, we were told to bring a book wrapped from Santa.

Cade is at a stage where he loves dinosaurs.  So, I was at the bookstore and found this really cool book that talked about the different dinosaurs and even had a section of magnets that he could play with on the back cover.  It was pretty cool.  I wrapped it and took it to school for Santa.

So, yesterday, I go to pick up Cade and get all his party stuff.  He was telling me about Santa and was saying he got a book.  "Oh cool!! Show mom what book you got."  The book was nowhere to be found.  It was not in his cubby, his backpack, or anywhere in the classroom that me, the director and the afternoon teacher could find.

I have to admit, I was pissed.  I was frustrated.  How was I going to explain to my 4 year old that the book he got from Santa was taken home by somebody else and he probably was not going to get it back.  I bought that book specifically for Cade.

The director kept apologizing and assuring me that whoever took it home would bring it back.  Me, still being frustrated, just smiled and said nothing.  We bid our farewell and left.

I was mad.  I was still frustrated with the whole thing.  Cade was upset but 4 year olds get over things alot faster than mommy.

So, the morning after, my understanding and learning continues.  I relooked at the situation in a new light.  Cade has a gazillion books.  We have been blessed with a Nanny who retired from teaching Kindergarten and make Barnes and Nobles look bare when it comes to the children's section.  Cade has other dinosaur books and I can buy him just  about whatever book he wants.

Perhaps the child who took the book home did not have a lot of books.  The child will get alot of enjoyment out of the book and I should be happy that I was able to share that with the child.  Maybe, also, the parent will realize that they took an extra book home and the book will be returned on Monday.

In life we can handle situations in many different ways.  We can rant and get mad when things don't go over well.  We can throw a temper tantrum and be big babies about things.

On the otherhand, we can realize that we have wonderful blessings in our life.  I have a cuddly boy snuggling next to me right now who knows he is loved and cared for more than he can imagine.  We live lives that are not frivilous by any means but we also have the ability to go buy another silly book and move on.

Life is how you choose to take it.  Guess I still have some learning to do.

Other duties as assigned

You know I probably belly ached about other duties as assigned a little bit.  The thing is, really, I enjoy doing little tasks.

Like just now for instance, I was crawling on my belly messing around with Margaret's, Administrative Assistant, UPS Battery Backup.  I have got to do some investigation into why all of our UPS units go wonky in the mornings.  (most mornings)  Yes, I know "wonky" is not a computer term, but it is my term.

Along with that, last week I got to try and upgrade Pastor's computer with another PC we have sitting around here.  Sadly, the "extra" PC is better served as a door stop.  We have discovered that the CPU is probably bad, the power supply is defunct, and the hard drive is corrupt.  Boat anchor or door stop is about all that this computer is usable for.  That sucks.

I have always enjoyed computers.  I worked in college with the Information Services Department at TLU.  It was fun.  I can build a computer and break it down.  I can troubleshoot it.  I can even do minor networking stuff.  These are all very invaluable tools when it comes to working in a church that does not have an IT staff to fix computer problems and mostly relies on people volunteering to come in and fix stuff.

So where am I going with this?  Oh yeah -- other duties as assigned.  I have always been a helpful person by nature.  I enjoy lending a hand.  Yesterday, I also helped take down the old signs in preparation for the new signs.

Sometimes though, I have to be honest, I remember that I do have a degree in Theology and am here as a Director of Youth Ministries/Parish Administrator.  Serving as the handyman, janitor, computer technician, et al doesn't really fit.  But, they are still good skills to have.

Life is like that sometimes.  We have our responsibilities that are very important to our livelihood.  Then, there are those "extra" things that make life all fit together.

So today, I will finish up this weeks tasks -- planning children sermon, finishing newsletter, getting together receipts for the bookkeeper.  Perhaps, if time allows, I will get to help someone out.  I will get to expand my horizons of "other duties as assigned" and that is pretty cool.

(at least I no longer have to go on bat patrol before church on Sundays.  That was way too fun for words.  Thanks, Illinois :) ).

Mary's Prayer

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord, my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour;

he has looked with favour on his lowly servant.

From this day all generations will call me blessed;

the Almighty has done great things for me and holy is his name.

He has mercy on those who fear him,

from generation to generation.

He has shown strength with his arm

and has scattered the proud in their conceit,

Casting down the mighty from their thrones

and lifting up the lowly.

He has filled the hungry with good things

and sent the rich away empty.

He has come to the aid of his servant Israel,

to remember his promise of mercy,

The promise made to our ancestors,

to Abraham and his children for ever.

This is one of the choices for readings this Sunday.  This has always been a favorite of mine.  Here you have a teenage girl, unwed, told she is going to carry the Savior of the world.  I know what my expression would have been.  I can tell you that it probably would not have been, "My soul proclaims your greatness O Lord."  Would have been something more to the tune of OMGWTF!!!  To put it into text type.  Or "YOU MUST BE CRAZY!"

You have to wonder what Mary was thinking.  Yes, she was proud to be carrying this child, but let's look beyond this wonderful act of faith and look to the teenager, unwed mother, now to be social outcast.  That is not something to say, WOW COOL at.  She must have been terrified.  I would have been.  

You know, God asked her to do something AMAZING.  Why then when we are asked to do simple things, serving God, loving others, serving others, spending a little time in prayer -- it is WAY TOO MUCH?  Why do we make excuses?  Mary did not, I guess have the opportunity to make an excuse.  She could not really have said, "Sorry God, this is not a good time for me.  Could we hold off this pregnancy for, say, 10 years.  I am not ready to be a mother."

God calls each of us to do AMAZING things.  God calls each of us to live for God alone.  God calls each of us to live according to God's Word.  So, why then can we not do that?  Why do we always make excuses?

If God came to you right now and told you that you alone would change the world with God's help, what would your reaction be?  Run scared?  Say OMGWTF? or would you respond with "My soul proclaims your greatness O God ..."  I hope that would be my response (after I peed my pants of course).

Farm Town and Fishville and Mafia Wars OH MY!!

About a month ago, I finally gave in to the application Farmtown on Facebook.  I have no idea why.  I guess I wanted to see what the fun and pull of it was.  Some of my friends were looking for specific gifts so I decided, why not.  I have a little farm.  I still am not sure what all to do with it.  I am "saving" money to get stuff.  It is all very strange.

All of that being said, I get on and check my farm every day.  So, this got me thinking about reality.  I don't want to shock anyone, but FarmTown is not real.  Really, Facebook is not real either.  People get so caught up in the making sure you have all the cool things in FarmTown and that you have all of the right friends.

Then there are people that HAVE to comment on every status update, every picture, everything your friend does on Facebook.  Why?  Whatever happened to face to face contact.  I mean, yes, I have reconnected with some long lost friends and colleagues and we talk on Facebook but what about all of those people that are local.

Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy Facebook.  I even secretly enjoy Farmtown a little bit even though my friends have awesome farms and mine pales in comparison.  But at what point does reality sink in and you realize you need to turn off the computer (nobody start lecturing me at this point about my computer use).

And why do these other worlds seem so much better than reality sometime.  Well, where is the conflict in Farmtown?  Where is the arguing in Farmtown?  Where is the frustrations for the most part in Facebook world?

I have youth who yearly give up Myspace and Facebook for Lent.  They spend that time in prayer that they would probably normally be building their farms or playing that Bejeweled game.

So, my solution for now is that over the holidays, I will spend more time with friends and less time making sure I make it to the next level of farmtown :).

Handling Conflict in a more Peaceful Way

People throughout life naturally put their defenses up.  When something isn't going their way, people normally have a fight or flight reaction when it comes to conflict.

Usually when I know something isn't going to go well, I will curl up in my little fetal position until whatever it is gives up or goes away.  I am not much of a fighter.  Being the people pleaser that i am, I would much rather make everyone happy.  This is not always the good or healthy way to deal with problems, I realize.

So, yesterday started typically like most Sundays.  I have been bad about taking my needed meditation time here in the last week and decided that if I was going to make it through Sunday, I needed some good God time.  So, my typical candles and tea that I use to settle the noise.

I spent alot of time reminding myself to "Be still and know that I am God."  I always go back to that verse.  It is a verse that always centers me.  Then I spent some time, per a friend's suggestion, concentrating on "How can I serve You today, God."  This was where my focus stayed concentrating on peace and letting God lead me where needed.  Removing the noise and focusing on serving was refreshing for a Sunday morning.

Advance about 30 minutes -- insert conflict.  People have conflicts with others and constant bickering and challenging that is in their nature.  It really doesn't matter the situation, but it arose (or could have.)  I had my "Be Still" rock in my pocket.  I often carry it on Sundays as a gentle reminder especially on Sundays.  Instead of reverting to my normal catlike claws flared and ready to pounce, I decided to take the peaceful approach.

The solution -- 2 people coming to a common understanding of each other's needs and realizing that having our claws extended towards each other was not making either one of us happy or the relationship healthy.  I again felt a sense of peace.  It was almost as if, that one gesture answered the question, "How can I serve you today, God."

It was empowering.  It was calming.  It was peaceful

AMEN.

Church just doesn't work on Sundays anymore..well?

Ok... so today is going to be one of those blogs of me searching...for what, not sure yet.

A little bit ago, I was at Sams Club.  I do alot of business at Sams.  We love their rotisserie chickens and salad mix and it is not crazy like HEB.  I also do alot of church business at Sams.  Most of the employess in there know my son and I very well.  So, one of the ladies looked familiar but really could not place why.  I am in there so much I just figured that I recognized her from the last time I was in Sams Club.

Cade and I paid and drove over to get gas.  The guy next to me pumping gas also looked familiar.  I still could not place why really and did not make the connection.  All of a sudden he pops his head around and says, "Hey, when are Christmas Eve services at church this year?  I then realized he was a frequent visitor that I had not seen in awhile.  His wife works at Sams and has been scheduled every Sunday for the past couple of months.  It was then that I realized why the woman who gave us the slim jim sample looked familiar, his wife.

He commented on how much they missed coming to church and how she was trying to rearrange her schedule at Sams so that they could get back to going to church.  She usually is scheduled starting during our morning services straight through until our evening services on Sundays.  Kinda sucks huh?   We chatted for a little bit more and he said that the 11 pm would definitely work for them and was glad we had a late option.

So, I got to thinking.  The church is always worried about attendance.  We are always watching our numbers.   As much as we are a ministry but we are also a business.  BUT, are we an effective business and ministry if we are not meeting the needs of the membership?  In this day and age, yes Sunday is still church day, but when people are working to make ends meet and paying bills and keeping a job, Sunday doesn't always work for church.

So what does the church do?  How do we make worship opportunities and prayer opportunities available for the people of the church when the people of church can't always make it to the available worship opportunities.

This may be my new quest... or at least one to explore.  How can I as a Director of Youth Ministries reach out more effectively to my youth as well as the membership of our church as a whole to "serve neighbors near and far?"

If anyone has any thoughts for my new quest, please share.

So, what would church look like not just on Sunday?  What would church look like that would meet other's needs?

HMMMMM.....

Finishing it up

I am an eternal procrastinator.  If it can be put off til tomorrow, why do it today.  I have also been told in the past that staying on task is not something I do well.  Yes, I have a bit of AD...can I have a piece of that gum.  Hey wait wasn't that a yellow banana?

With all that being said, I am a whole lot better at this then I was when I got out of college.  My maturity has definitely helped with that (no there will be no jokes about me getting old or anything.... I heard that).  I am alot better at making priority lists and finishing things in a very timely fashion.  It is so bad sometimes that I am actually becoming an overplanner.  I have Type A personality tendencies (gee thanks Pastor and Margaret and Lisa).  I definitely don't fly by the seat of my pants especially when it is important.

So... where am I going with this?  Oh yeah, finishing something.  (no I do not have a focus problem).

Today, I finished up Christmas shopping.  You feel so accomplished.  No longer do I have to fret about what I am getting people.  No longer do I have to wonder what store would have ____.  Of course the other side of this, now I have to wrap it all.  OH MAN!!  So maybe I am not done yet.

Isn't life like this sometimes.  We get so excited when we are finished with something...  when something is completed andI out of our way only to realize that there is another step we did not think of.  Then there comes to the part of me that goes back to my journey I am on.  How has my thoughts of "just be-ing" changed the way I did this little task?

I am not one that really stresses over the process of shopping.  I am not sure "being" really goes in to the thrill of the shopping.  I am not sure there really is a thrill more of just a knowing that it has to get done.  So, perhaps this is one of those "doing" things that goes with being?  It is not a bad thing, unless you stress about it endlessly.

So, before I head off to the post office to mail off packages, and start the eternal wrapping process, I think perhaps I need to spend some time remember the joy and peace that comes with seeing a task completed.  My prayers go in to each gift.

I wish all tasks were this fun to complete as Christmas shopping.  I still have 3 knitting projects to finish.  One will definitely be a New Year's gift but that is ok.

AMEN

I don't want to alarm anyone

ONLY 2 WEEKS TIL CHRISTMAS!!!

Ok, so now that that scare is over.  It always amazes me that people wait til the last minute for things.  My husband always wait til the last minute to get each other birthday presents and then end up buying them 2 weeks late.  We will end up doing the same for each other for Christmas probably.  We always have good intentions but still wait til the last minute.

You know gift giving is a funny thing.  We stress about it.  We worry about getting the right thing.  We get this year's gifts based on reactions of last years gifts.  It always amazes me the lengths people go to to find the "perfect" gift.

There are several trains of thought when it comes to gift giving, at least in my mind:

generosity and thankfulness -- Each year, I base alot of my thoughts on gifts around being incredibly thankful for the loving people in my life.  I am generous in putting alot of thought and prayers in to each and every gift.  It is just how I am.

useability -- I know this one is not necessary, but for me it really is.  I tend to lean towards giving gifts to others that they will be able to use.  I especially look for those times when people drop unintentional hints of something they have been looking at for awhile but not bought for themselves.

handmade/homemade -- I am a crafter/artist.  I love to put thoughts and prayers into gifts.  Giving someone a knitted toy, dishcloth, shawl, blanket that I have gotten to spend time putting prayers into each stitch of a gift.  That makes the gift more meaningful to me.

good gifts-  Alot of charities and non for profits are doing these now.  You can donate a flock of chickens in someone's honor.  You can give money so that someone can have a cow or donate a waterwell.  There are so many options.  These are becoming more favorable to me as I get older and realize that alot of my family doesn't need more "stuff." Most of the people in my life are constantly destashing and uncluttering their lives, so why do they need more stuff.  This way a charitable donation is given in their honor to help someone who doesn't have the basic needs in life.

So what does this all mean for me right here at this very moment -- I am not nearly done Christmas shopping. I am not overly stressed about this but really it is in the back of my mind.  It is in the back of my mind that I will again not get all of my knitted gifts ready.  The 2 cortisone shots have confirmed that and it really ticks me off, but that is ok.  In all things, I remember that I am supposed to "just be" and not get caught up in the noise.  That is difficult during the Christmas season but I think it is a lesson I am again learning all too quickly.

Just BE and Merry Christmas.
AMEN

Christmas Past -- Christmas to Come

Memories are a funny thing.  Often when I meet up with friends on Facebook from childhood or wherever, we have to walk down memory lane.  Christmas is a big holiday of memories.  Past the big reason for Christmas, Jesus obviously, Christmas is a time for families to create memories.

I still remember the look on Jody's face when he was standing outside my house in Midland on Christmas night -- it was snowing.  It was the first time he had seen snow on Christmas.  He was 27, I think, and he was like a little kid standing out there.

I remember 2 Christmases ago, Cade got his Thomas the Train set.  He looked over the balcony into the living room and said, "Mommy, there is a train down there!"  Of course that Christmas is also a big memory maker in that my mother, father, Jody and me were sicker than dogs.  We had chicken broth and crackers for Christmas. We had to go find somewhere open to buy them and were all green.  (ok, so some memories are not all that good.)

Memories come to us in so many ways.  My grandfather always wore Old Spice.  It is a generic smell, really, but it always brings me comfort.  Of course my grandmother always wore White Diamonds and my sinuses hated the smell -- but that is a different story.

This past Friday and Saturday was another big walk down memory lane for me.  I was at Camp Chrysalis for the Upper Elementary Advent Retreat.  Chrysalis holds so many memories for me that just to walk on the campsite makes my spirit dance.  I remember building a wall outside of cabin 2, I remember laying outside cabin 8 (which is not there anymore) and watching a huge thunderstorm roll in on my birthday.  I remember countless places that I had devotion time and even what they were about.  I have had so many God moments at Chrysalis over the years that even to have the opportunity to pass those God moments onto a new generation just makes me happy.

When I walked out onto the Chapel porch and remembered all the nights of devotions with Staff in Training and Counselor in Training, I almost cried.  They were tears of joy but that exact place was where I have felt closest to God so many times in my life.

So often in life, we want to "make memories."  We want to have traditions that can take us from year to year. More than that for me, though, it is the little things in life.  The little giggles I get from weird experiences, the moving God moments of my life that at the time didn't mean much but still make my spirit dance.

What are the little things in your life that bring back memories?  Maybe they did not mean much at the time but when you revisit those places, smells, tastes you can feel your spirit dance.  It is a cool feeling.

AMEN

Obstacles

I sit here and look at a beautiful bouquet of irises.  They have to be standing 2 1/2 feet tall in a gorgeous burgundy and white color.  We had a wedding here on Saturday and they gave Margaret and I the 2 bouquets of irises from the reception.

They are on the edge of my desk and block my view out my office door.  As beautiful as they are, I keep having to look around them to see who is coming in my office.  As they are creating an obstacle, it got me thinking.

Each day, I set out with a certain amount of things I want to get done or have to get done.  Many times that list grows during the day.  Sometimes when least expected, I have to quickly shift gears and do other things.  As a whole, most people do not like obstacles.  We don't like to change what we had planned to do and obstacles create unbalanced schedules and things have to get moved around.

But, let's look at obstacles in a different way.  When things don't go the way you planned or there is a bump in the road, perhaps it is for a reason.  As I look at these iris flowers, yes they are an obstacle but I also am reminded of the beauty that is God's creation.  I am quickly reminded of the beautiful, sweet wedding from where they adorned the tables.  Yes, they create a hindrance in my sight, but they are so pretty that I don't care.

Much of life is like that really.  We don't like things to get in our way of the end goal.  When that happens though, we have two choices.  We can mope and sulk about the obstacle and the frustration that it might cause or we can use the obstacle as an opportunity to change the way we are thinking.

Perhaps you are an athlete that is all of a sudden injured and have to side line for the rest of the season ...
Perhaps someone you expected to be at an event couldn't make it for some unknown reason...
Perhaps you really want to pursue career X, but for now you have to do career Y waiting for the opportunity to come about....

SO.... will yours be an obstacle or a new opportunity.

Every little thing is gonna be alright

A week or so ago, one of my friends did one of those Facebook quizzes that asked "what song reminds you of Mariesa?"  Her answer was "Every little thing is gonna be alright."  I find that funny and kinda cool, I guess.

I remember a time in my life, not so long ago when I constantly worried.  I worried about money.  I worried about health.  I worried about just about everything that could be worried about.  I was constantly stressed and let frustrations of the world get to me ALL THE TIME.

Back in January, I went through Cert School.  One of our devotion times, was very life changing for me (or at least a major change in understanding of my life).  We were "walking with Jesus."  We met up with Jesus on the road and could ask him anything and then as the meditation, devotion time went on, we came to a break in the road.  Jesus told us one last thing and then we parted ways.  During that "walk with Jesus," I didn't really know that I had questions that I needed to ask Jesus.  He asked where I was going and I responded, "Dunno just walking."  As we "walked" on there was a peaceful silence.  I don't really think we "talked" but had a silent connection.  When we "parted ways" on this road, Jesus looked me dead in the eyes and said, "you are headed in the right direction."

Now a little background in that the road I was "walking" on in this little meditation was any road of my choosing and I chose the road out of the camp back to San Antonio.  This was the camp that started my journey to ministry and going back to it was a phenomenal step in this "faith journey."

What I took from "You are headed in the right direction" is that life can throw you for so many twists and turns.  Most of our life, we wonder if we are doing the right things.  We wonder if we are making the right choices.  To have that affirmed in such a strange way in this meditation, devotion time was mind blowing to me.  Ever since then, I have tried to live me life in that way.  I constantly remember standing at that fork in the road with "Jesus" and hearing him reaffirm that I am "headed in the right direction."  This makes the road alot easier.  This makes the conflicts of life easier to bear.  This helps me understand that I truly am working to make my life happy... to be truly happy.

I am reading this book that talks about our levels of consciousness.  It points out again for me that my happiness comes from within.  Outside forces can't truly make me "happy."  If I live as I am happy, then I will be happy.  I am still grasping that concept and not totally sure about it.  I am sure however that I feel peace when I remember that Jesus is standing with me as I travel down this road "in the right direction."

AMEN

Faith Like a Child

Cade amazes me daily.  He is at this crazy growing and learning stage.  He takes everything in and everything very seriously.  We have grounded him in a life of faith from early on.

Tuesday was a hard day in the Robbins house.  We had to put down our dog, Muffin.  She was suffering and I knew the cold that is starting now would have done her in.  It was selfish of me to not let her get peace.  So, I set out Tuesday night to try and explain what was going to happen to Muffin.  After some talking, Cade told me that "Muffin was going to live with Jesus and that when she got younger, she would come back to live with us."  WOW.... then he added "since Jesus is in my heart, Muffin is in my heart too."  I love my little boy.  I still don't know if he totally "understands" that Muffin is never coming back but he knows Muffin was sick and went to be with Jesus.  (No matter what your theology, that is what i believe in my heart of hearts).

The faith things he comes up with amaze me.  A year ago we started really reinforcing praying before bed and reciting prayers.  Every night he recites "Now I lay me" and then goes on to a string of people in his life he wants to bless.  The night Muffin died he added, "Jesus, take care of Muffin because I am gonna miss her very much."  I melted.

After prayers, we make the sign of the cross on his forehead and say, "Cade, you are a child of God sealed by the Holy Spirit and marked with the cross of Christ forever and I love you."  If we forget or are in a rush one night, Cade is quick to remind us.  Alot of times he also does the same to his various stuffies that he sleeps with.

The Bible says that we should have faith like a child.  I think we get caught in overthinking things.  We get caught in the parts of the world that truly takes us from God.  We get stuck in the ruts of reality and forget the pure joy that comes with faith like a child.

May each of us during this Advent season remember that all the extra stuff doesn't matter.  Help us to each have faith like a child.

AMEN

It's amazing what a little cleaning can do

So today, my workload was small.  (This happens like twice a year, I think).  I decided to take the opportunity to do a big organization project on my office.  It included ridding myself of lots of stuff that people "give" me to put in my office for some reason or another, filing that gets backed up for long stretches of the year, and to get ahead on other things that usually pile up.

I do not claim to be an organized person.  There is usually a method to my madness but to the common, naked eye -- I am a disorganized mess.  (hmm.... that could fit in other ways I think).

The one thing I realized is going through stuff in my office, helps me to walk down memory lane.  I went through some CDs both music and computer and remembered events and recalled experiences from concerts and pictures.  I have one drawer that holds photos for an extended period of time.  I got the opportunity to go through some of them and get rid of duplicates.  I laughed at things gone by.

It also helped me to find or re-remember things that I needed to look at starting.  I have been collecting McDonalds kid toys all year to start a box for Bible Studies.  I had forgotten about them.

It's alot like the noise we have in our life really.  All the stuff we accumulate, all the projects that go unfinished, all the filing that never gets done take us from our God time.  The physical noise is just as bad as the noises we let in our head really.

It was fun going through and decluttering the office today.  It is not done but at least I can concentrate on the tasks at hand instead of worrying about all the stuff that is making my office unbearable.

Dear God, as we wait, watch and prepare in this Advent Season help us to remember that while setting our hearts and minds on you we must get rid of all the extraneous junk that takes us from you, even the physical stuff.

AMEN