Everybody has a passion. Everybody has a story to tell

I am watching a movie this morning, The Soloist.  It is awesome.  It tells of a homeless man who is a master musician.

I don't want to give too much of the plot away but it really got me thinking about passions and people's history.  In life, we all come from different places.  We all have different reasons that we have ended up where we are.  Alot of times, we find ourselves stuck in the past.  We get ourselves stuck in a time when things were better.  We want to stay in the reality of one place in our lives that things were easy.

Often we get stuck because we are scared of failure.  We don't want to believe that we can succeed in any other ways.  We look at the high points, the mountain top places and don't ever want to take a leap of faith that might make us feel trapped.

Surviving and staying where things work make life simpler.  Surviving and just getting thru life means that we will never be hurt.

Basically what I am trying to say is everyone has a story.  Everyone has a place where they have been and it helps us to understand who we are.  I have worked with and known many people in my life.  I know people who are pursuing their dreams and never stop no matter what.  I know people who have no doubt of what they want in life and they get it no matter what it costs.

I also know many people who are scared, hurt, who fear taking that leap of faith.  It is so much easier just to survive than to trust in something they cannot see.  It is so much easier to stay where they are then to try something where they might get hurt.

Everyone has a story to tell.  Everyone has a reason that they are where they are.

Take that leap of faith and you will never be sorry.

AMEN

Everyone has top tens of the year -- yeah me too

As we close out the year, I am remembering an amazing year of new things and old.

10.  Swine flu part 1.  Yeah -- that was INTERESTING to say the least.  Having all of my kiddos at church that had school and didn't have school.  It was a riot and kinda fun.

9.  Youth Quake.  My junior high always love this event.  It is a mindblowing whirlwind weekend that helps kids realize there really is more to life than video games and mainstream music.  It is a weekend that .Jody and I always get to spend together.  He volunteers to lead workshops while I chaperone.  Probably one of the most interesting memory was taking the whole group to Herbert's Taco Hut.  My kids were scared of this rundown food place.  As we left, we got "wow, that was awesome!!!"  Really fun times.

8.  Schlitterbahn Christmas.  I still am amazed at the overpriced-ness of "entertainment."  That being said, watching Cade and Jody skid down the "bobsled" hill and watching Cade's light up with Santa and watching him on the Carousel made Schlitterbahn Christmas a FABULOUS family experience.

7.  Yarn Crawl.  There is no hiding the fact that I LOVE to yarn shop.  I loathe shopping for just about EVERYTHING else but what made the crawl THAT MUCH better this year was sharing the crawling with about 10 other people.  WAY too many yarn shops in 2 days but it was SO MUCH fun.  I got to take lives in my own hands making a Uturn outside of Fredricksburg.  I discovered the totally awesome yarn store in Wimberley.  Along with the Yarn Crawl I could also include the many knitting potlucks and get togethers over the year.  We laugh, eat, knit and just really have a lot of fun.  It is nice to have people that I can share interests with and call them friends.

6.  Swine Flu part 2.  Yeah, I got it.  It sucked.  Never have I lay motionless on a couch/bed for 5 days straight.  I had a yucky case of it.  I got way too comfortable watching TV.  I learned about dog snuggies (still think those are STUPID).  It helped me to see how sometimes slowing down will only happen if I can't do anything but.  (hard lesson)

5.  Certification School.  3 plus weeks at Lutherhill getting Certified in a profession I have now been in for 10 years.  I loved it.  It is still difficult to see myself as a life-r in youth ministry but I am.  I realized during that time just how called to youth ministry I was.  I reconnected with my calling and with God in one of the most sacred places in my life.  It was awesome.  It was reaffirming.

4.  ELCA Youth Gathering in New Orleans -- There were so many ups and downs, twists and turns.  It was crazy.  To look back and see the impact that a whole lot of high school youth had on New Orleans, it still brings me to tears.  To understand what we did in 4 short days, all I can say is WOW.  We really made a difference and had a lot of fun all at the same time.

3.  Christmas 2009.  My sister, 2 children, Jody, Cade, mother, father and me spent Christmas together.  This has never happened.  The last time Jessica and I spent Christmas together was probably 1996.  It was a wild and crazy couple of days but really was wonderful.  We had some fun memories and even funnier pictures.  Watching the 3 kids, all really close in age play together was alot of fun.  I wish it could have lasted longer.

2.  Climbing the rock tower at Lutherhill.  I am horrendously afraid of heights.  I do not like to not be in control.  I have difficulty with "trusting" others especially those that I do not know well.  When I found out that high ropes was a part of Cert School, I did not want to do it.  I hated the thought.  The fact that Pastor Ralph enjoyed the thought of me conquering my fears so much made me really wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.  I made it up part of the rock tower and then climbed the ladder straight to the top.  I hated not making it over the edge and actually going down the zip line but it took everything I had to make it to the top of the tower.

1.  Meditation and Prayer.  I have always felt connected to God.  I am a huge procrastinator.  Probably my most moving memories of the year have been those where I have spent time with God.  Spending time not worrying and not stressing, spending time in prayer over sick friends and youth, spending time concentrating on peace and love -- this has brought me closer to people I don't always get along with, this has brought me closer to my husband and son, this has reconnected me with a peace filled friend from my youth.  By making this intentional change in my life, I know that things will only go forward.


There are probably SO many other memories of 2009 that I could include in this list.  This really has been an AWESOME year of new and exciting things.  I know none of them are possible without my faith.

Peace and Love,
AMEN

Where do you put your trust?

I am on several different "devotional emails" that I have been signed up for here and there over the years.  Alot of them I probably never really read.  Some however, from time to time spark my interest and are profound thoughts that usually come at just the right time.  

One in particular that always has something good to say is from a pastor outside of Stonewall Texas.  I met him at a Via De Cristo weekend several years ago and he put all of us on his devotion list.  

Since I have been reading about peace and living in peace and so on here lately, this email from Pastor Percy really struck me in good ways.  Here is a copy of that email:

 "It seems to me that after loving God, my life goal may actually be to have peace within.  I cannot control how much disturbance I may get from outside my life, but to have peace within seems like the way to go.  So long as I am in control of my life, I will be uneasy and uncertain.  I have learned that.  But when God is trusted in one situation or anther, I find I am at peace in that circumstance.  The more I recognize that he is to be trusted the more peace I find within. 

            Jesus told the disciples on a couple occasions as he was leaving the physical world we live in that he gave them peace, not as the world gives, but peace.  That is my prayer.  Could it be yours?  “Father grant me peace and help me see you in all the circumstances and situations of my life."

We talk so much about needing control in our life and who is at the wheel driving our lives.  So much in today's world, we find that we don't trust God in the situations of life.  We find ourselves not wanting to have faith that God will provide, not wanting to have faith that God will be there in EVERYTHING.  


I have been starting my day with prayer more actively for the past few months.  My youth know that often, I carry around my prayer rock "peace" in my pocket when I find that I am unfocused.  


Awhile back I talked about reading a book about happiness coming from within.  All the yarn in the world will not make me happy.  All of the money in the world will not make me happy.  


I think Pastor Percy is right on by his understand that peace works the same way. When I put God in my driver's seat and realize that God is in control, I find that peace.  When I have realized lately that I need to give control to God and asking God how I might serve, there is peace.  Conflicts are handled more easily.  There is not frustration.  There is a calm.  There is an evidence of peace in my life that I have never experienced.


So, I reiterate the prayer from my friend Percy --

Father grant me peace and help me see you in all the circumstances and situations of my life. “ Help me remember God, that in all things, you are in charge.  YOU are God and I am not.  

AMEN 

Favorite Christmas Gift Experience and Favorite Christmas Experience

As we round the corner upon Christmas Eve, I thought it might be fun to look back at a favorite Christmas gift giving experience.

I love gift giving.  I love surprising people with something completely unexpected or exactly what they wanted (even though they had no idea I knew).

I am a hopeless procrastinator.  If I had time, I would be out on Christmas Eve buying presents.  With all that being said, being able to plan the "perfect" gift makes it all that much more fun.

One year when I was in college, my sister and I decided my mother needed a cd player and cds.  (yes this was before mp3s).  So, we set out.  I bought the cd player and we made a list of all of the artists she liked.  We found all the discounts we could and even told my father what cds he needed to go buy.

At this point, my mother was living alone.  She didn't have any music to listen to and just had the tv going.  One of her favorite artists was John Denver but she never got to listen to him.  Phantom of the Opera was her favorite musical, but she never got to listen to them.

My sister and I set out that year to fill my mother's musical needs all in one swoop.  It was fun.  (It is probably also the most congenial experience my sister and I have had together.... let's be honest).

Then let's advance the years to Cade's second Christmas.  My parents came to San Antonio and we were all supposed to have Christmas together.  Or, that was the plan,.  So, my father came with a stomach ache.  By Christmas Eve night, my mother and I were praying to the porcelain gods.  Within hours, my father and Jody joined us in our worship of the porcelain gods.  Cade never got sick  (Thank goodness).

Christmas morning, I honestly don't remember opening gifts.  Cade had a ball while we all sat green and motionless.  Our Christmas dinner sat in the fridge uneaten.  We all had saltines and chicken broth.  Let me add that finding saltines and chicken broth on Christmas day at a store is IMPOSSIBLE.

So why was this a favorite Christmas experience?  Well, we definitely bonded as a family.  As miserable as we were, we still got to watch Cade enjoying the opening of gifts.  As miserable as we all were, we still were alive and able to share Christmas.

Looking back we can laugh.  Looking back we can see the beauty of the togetherness that was shared.  that was what was important.

Merry Christmas

the places we don't want to go back to

So, yesterday I talked about our comfort places.  Comfort places are those places in our life that we felt loved, we found passion, we just had great feelings about.

But, what about the other side of it?  These are the sides we don't like to talk about.  These are the places, people and times that bring hatred, fear, frustration, sadness to light.  These are the times when nothing made sense when everything was hurt hurt hurt.

Many of these places cause us to change as individuals.  Because of the hurt, sadness and anger, we build shells and walls around us.  We don't let others in.  We find it very difficult to trust.  Much more than the valleys of our lives, these places are dark and ugly, sometimes with no view of a way out.

So, what if you had to go back to those places?  I can think of several people and times of my life that I would never want to relive.  These are times when all I wanted to do was lie in the fetal position and make the world go away.  If I had to go back there, I am not sure.

Many of us find times in our lives where we do have to face our ugliest, saddest most treacherous demons.  We have to revisit times in our lives where we didn't like the world around us or we didn't like ourselves.  For some, that is the scariest feeling in the world.  It is much easier to live in denial that that part of your life ever happened.  Facing those fears just doesn't seem worth it.  Or does it?

We all come to a time where we do see those demons.  We may even find that because we have grown and because we are different people, those demons aren't so scary anymore.  When we remember that even if that outside force of whatever kind of hurt it is cannot change who we are, it often makes it easier.  When we grow in love, faith and hope for the world and truly understand that that love is inside us, we can confidently face those demons.  We can look at the past as just that, the past.

AMEN

BUT MOMMY!!! I don't wanna go home

Ok, so I have talked a little about camp in these blogs.  Camp was one of the coolest times in my life.  I counted days until it started yearly and then cried  for hours on the way home.  I don't know that there was anything that much more amazing than my normal life, but camp was my comfort zone.

One of the songs out right now reminds me alot of daydreaming.

Owl City - Fireflies

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep

'Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhereWhy
You'd think me rude
But I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems


The song totally talks about daydreaming for me.  Camp was a place that I wanted time to stand still.  I wanted the week to last forever.  


Life is like that.  For alot of people, childhood was easier.  If they could go back and be a kindergartener, life would be so much easier.  Maybe you had a great high school experience (not me) and reliving your high school memories makes your heart sing.  


Why do we do that?  Why do we want to stay in those comfortable times?  Why do we not want to move on and instead stay in those places?  


Places of our comfort, places where we feel completely loved, places where we are on top of the world, are the best places on earth.  These places are places we go to in our dreams.  These are places that fuel our passion.  These are usually places where we feel no hurt.  


For me, conflict never happened at camp, not like in the outside world.  For me EVERYBODY loved me and I loved everyone.  So... how do we make those comfort zones part of our daily reality?  How do we make those experiences live on and find those experiences in daily life.  


If truth be told, yes camp was one of my favorite memories, but I have to say that I find new exciting experiences every day.  I have experiences that continue to shape me into who I am.  These experiences are priceless.  These experiences show me the love that I can share and show hourly.  


Where are your comfort places?

Learning in Process -- Proceed with Peace

Sometimes in life, we get to a point where we think we have it altogether and sometimes we figure out that we still have alot to learn.

Cade's preschool does a gift from Santa every year.  They do this instead of a gift exchange so that everyone gets something and parents know what their child is getting.  It is cute, a little weird but, whatever.  So, we were told to bring a book wrapped from Santa.

Cade is at a stage where he loves dinosaurs.  So, I was at the bookstore and found this really cool book that talked about the different dinosaurs and even had a section of magnets that he could play with on the back cover.  It was pretty cool.  I wrapped it and took it to school for Santa.

So, yesterday, I go to pick up Cade and get all his party stuff.  He was telling me about Santa and was saying he got a book.  "Oh cool!! Show mom what book you got."  The book was nowhere to be found.  It was not in his cubby, his backpack, or anywhere in the classroom that me, the director and the afternoon teacher could find.

I have to admit, I was pissed.  I was frustrated.  How was I going to explain to my 4 year old that the book he got from Santa was taken home by somebody else and he probably was not going to get it back.  I bought that book specifically for Cade.

The director kept apologizing and assuring me that whoever took it home would bring it back.  Me, still being frustrated, just smiled and said nothing.  We bid our farewell and left.

I was mad.  I was still frustrated with the whole thing.  Cade was upset but 4 year olds get over things alot faster than mommy.

So, the morning after, my understanding and learning continues.  I relooked at the situation in a new light.  Cade has a gazillion books.  We have been blessed with a Nanny who retired from teaching Kindergarten and make Barnes and Nobles look bare when it comes to the children's section.  Cade has other dinosaur books and I can buy him just  about whatever book he wants.

Perhaps the child who took the book home did not have a lot of books.  The child will get alot of enjoyment out of the book and I should be happy that I was able to share that with the child.  Maybe, also, the parent will realize that they took an extra book home and the book will be returned on Monday.

In life we can handle situations in many different ways.  We can rant and get mad when things don't go over well.  We can throw a temper tantrum and be big babies about things.

On the otherhand, we can realize that we have wonderful blessings in our life.  I have a cuddly boy snuggling next to me right now who knows he is loved and cared for more than he can imagine.  We live lives that are not frivilous by any means but we also have the ability to go buy another silly book and move on.

Life is how you choose to take it.  Guess I still have some learning to do.

Other duties as assigned

You know I probably belly ached about other duties as assigned a little bit.  The thing is, really, I enjoy doing little tasks.

Like just now for instance, I was crawling on my belly messing around with Margaret's, Administrative Assistant, UPS Battery Backup.  I have got to do some investigation into why all of our UPS units go wonky in the mornings.  (most mornings)  Yes, I know "wonky" is not a computer term, but it is my term.

Along with that, last week I got to try and upgrade Pastor's computer with another PC we have sitting around here.  Sadly, the "extra" PC is better served as a door stop.  We have discovered that the CPU is probably bad, the power supply is defunct, and the hard drive is corrupt.  Boat anchor or door stop is about all that this computer is usable for.  That sucks.

I have always enjoyed computers.  I worked in college with the Information Services Department at TLU.  It was fun.  I can build a computer and break it down.  I can troubleshoot it.  I can even do minor networking stuff.  These are all very invaluable tools when it comes to working in a church that does not have an IT staff to fix computer problems and mostly relies on people volunteering to come in and fix stuff.

So where am I going with this?  Oh yeah -- other duties as assigned.  I have always been a helpful person by nature.  I enjoy lending a hand.  Yesterday, I also helped take down the old signs in preparation for the new signs.

Sometimes though, I have to be honest, I remember that I do have a degree in Theology and am here as a Director of Youth Ministries/Parish Administrator.  Serving as the handyman, janitor, computer technician, et al doesn't really fit.  But, they are still good skills to have.

Life is like that sometimes.  We have our responsibilities that are very important to our livelihood.  Then, there are those "extra" things that make life all fit together.

So today, I will finish up this weeks tasks -- planning children sermon, finishing newsletter, getting together receipts for the bookkeeper.  Perhaps, if time allows, I will get to help someone out.  I will get to expand my horizons of "other duties as assigned" and that is pretty cool.

(at least I no longer have to go on bat patrol before church on Sundays.  That was way too fun for words.  Thanks, Illinois :) ).

Mary's Prayer

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord, my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour;

he has looked with favour on his lowly servant.

From this day all generations will call me blessed;

the Almighty has done great things for me and holy is his name.

He has mercy on those who fear him,

from generation to generation.

He has shown strength with his arm

and has scattered the proud in their conceit,

Casting down the mighty from their thrones

and lifting up the lowly.

He has filled the hungry with good things

and sent the rich away empty.

He has come to the aid of his servant Israel,

to remember his promise of mercy,

The promise made to our ancestors,

to Abraham and his children for ever.

This is one of the choices for readings this Sunday.  This has always been a favorite of mine.  Here you have a teenage girl, unwed, told she is going to carry the Savior of the world.  I know what my expression would have been.  I can tell you that it probably would not have been, "My soul proclaims your greatness O Lord."  Would have been something more to the tune of OMGWTF!!!  To put it into text type.  Or "YOU MUST BE CRAZY!"

You have to wonder what Mary was thinking.  Yes, she was proud to be carrying this child, but let's look beyond this wonderful act of faith and look to the teenager, unwed mother, now to be social outcast.  That is not something to say, WOW COOL at.  She must have been terrified.  I would have been.  

You know, God asked her to do something AMAZING.  Why then when we are asked to do simple things, serving God, loving others, serving others, spending a little time in prayer -- it is WAY TOO MUCH?  Why do we make excuses?  Mary did not, I guess have the opportunity to make an excuse.  She could not really have said, "Sorry God, this is not a good time for me.  Could we hold off this pregnancy for, say, 10 years.  I am not ready to be a mother."

God calls each of us to do AMAZING things.  God calls each of us to live for God alone.  God calls each of us to live according to God's Word.  So, why then can we not do that?  Why do we always make excuses?

If God came to you right now and told you that you alone would change the world with God's help, what would your reaction be?  Run scared?  Say OMGWTF? or would you respond with "My soul proclaims your greatness O God ..."  I hope that would be my response (after I peed my pants of course).

Farm Town and Fishville and Mafia Wars OH MY!!

About a month ago, I finally gave in to the application Farmtown on Facebook.  I have no idea why.  I guess I wanted to see what the fun and pull of it was.  Some of my friends were looking for specific gifts so I decided, why not.  I have a little farm.  I still am not sure what all to do with it.  I am "saving" money to get stuff.  It is all very strange.

All of that being said, I get on and check my farm every day.  So, this got me thinking about reality.  I don't want to shock anyone, but FarmTown is not real.  Really, Facebook is not real either.  People get so caught up in the making sure you have all the cool things in FarmTown and that you have all of the right friends.

Then there are people that HAVE to comment on every status update, every picture, everything your friend does on Facebook.  Why?  Whatever happened to face to face contact.  I mean, yes, I have reconnected with some long lost friends and colleagues and we talk on Facebook but what about all of those people that are local.

Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy Facebook.  I even secretly enjoy Farmtown a little bit even though my friends have awesome farms and mine pales in comparison.  But at what point does reality sink in and you realize you need to turn off the computer (nobody start lecturing me at this point about my computer use).

And why do these other worlds seem so much better than reality sometime.  Well, where is the conflict in Farmtown?  Where is the arguing in Farmtown?  Where is the frustrations for the most part in Facebook world?

I have youth who yearly give up Myspace and Facebook for Lent.  They spend that time in prayer that they would probably normally be building their farms or playing that Bejeweled game.

So, my solution for now is that over the holidays, I will spend more time with friends and less time making sure I make it to the next level of farmtown :).

Handling Conflict in a more Peaceful Way

People throughout life naturally put their defenses up.  When something isn't going their way, people normally have a fight or flight reaction when it comes to conflict.

Usually when I know something isn't going to go well, I will curl up in my little fetal position until whatever it is gives up or goes away.  I am not much of a fighter.  Being the people pleaser that i am, I would much rather make everyone happy.  This is not always the good or healthy way to deal with problems, I realize.

So, yesterday started typically like most Sundays.  I have been bad about taking my needed meditation time here in the last week and decided that if I was going to make it through Sunday, I needed some good God time.  So, my typical candles and tea that I use to settle the noise.

I spent alot of time reminding myself to "Be still and know that I am God."  I always go back to that verse.  It is a verse that always centers me.  Then I spent some time, per a friend's suggestion, concentrating on "How can I serve You today, God."  This was where my focus stayed concentrating on peace and letting God lead me where needed.  Removing the noise and focusing on serving was refreshing for a Sunday morning.

Advance about 30 minutes -- insert conflict.  People have conflicts with others and constant bickering and challenging that is in their nature.  It really doesn't matter the situation, but it arose (or could have.)  I had my "Be Still" rock in my pocket.  I often carry it on Sundays as a gentle reminder especially on Sundays.  Instead of reverting to my normal catlike claws flared and ready to pounce, I decided to take the peaceful approach.

The solution -- 2 people coming to a common understanding of each other's needs and realizing that having our claws extended towards each other was not making either one of us happy or the relationship healthy.  I again felt a sense of peace.  It was almost as if, that one gesture answered the question, "How can I serve you today, God."

It was empowering.  It was calming.  It was peaceful

AMEN.

Church just doesn't work on Sundays anymore..well?

Ok... so today is going to be one of those blogs of me searching...for what, not sure yet.

A little bit ago, I was at Sams Club.  I do alot of business at Sams.  We love their rotisserie chickens and salad mix and it is not crazy like HEB.  I also do alot of church business at Sams.  Most of the employess in there know my son and I very well.  So, one of the ladies looked familiar but really could not place why.  I am in there so much I just figured that I recognized her from the last time I was in Sams Club.

Cade and I paid and drove over to get gas.  The guy next to me pumping gas also looked familiar.  I still could not place why really and did not make the connection.  All of a sudden he pops his head around and says, "Hey, when are Christmas Eve services at church this year?  I then realized he was a frequent visitor that I had not seen in awhile.  His wife works at Sams and has been scheduled every Sunday for the past couple of months.  It was then that I realized why the woman who gave us the slim jim sample looked familiar, his wife.

He commented on how much they missed coming to church and how she was trying to rearrange her schedule at Sams so that they could get back to going to church.  She usually is scheduled starting during our morning services straight through until our evening services on Sundays.  Kinda sucks huh?   We chatted for a little bit more and he said that the 11 pm would definitely work for them and was glad we had a late option.

So, I got to thinking.  The church is always worried about attendance.  We are always watching our numbers.   As much as we are a ministry but we are also a business.  BUT, are we an effective business and ministry if we are not meeting the needs of the membership?  In this day and age, yes Sunday is still church day, but when people are working to make ends meet and paying bills and keeping a job, Sunday doesn't always work for church.

So what does the church do?  How do we make worship opportunities and prayer opportunities available for the people of the church when the people of church can't always make it to the available worship opportunities.

This may be my new quest... or at least one to explore.  How can I as a Director of Youth Ministries reach out more effectively to my youth as well as the membership of our church as a whole to "serve neighbors near and far?"

If anyone has any thoughts for my new quest, please share.

So, what would church look like not just on Sunday?  What would church look like that would meet other's needs?

HMMMMM.....

Finishing it up

I am an eternal procrastinator.  If it can be put off til tomorrow, why do it today.  I have also been told in the past that staying on task is not something I do well.  Yes, I have a bit of AD...can I have a piece of that gum.  Hey wait wasn't that a yellow banana?

With all that being said, I am a whole lot better at this then I was when I got out of college.  My maturity has definitely helped with that (no there will be no jokes about me getting old or anything.... I heard that).  I am alot better at making priority lists and finishing things in a very timely fashion.  It is so bad sometimes that I am actually becoming an overplanner.  I have Type A personality tendencies (gee thanks Pastor and Margaret and Lisa).  I definitely don't fly by the seat of my pants especially when it is important.

So... where am I going with this?  Oh yeah, finishing something.  (no I do not have a focus problem).

Today, I finished up Christmas shopping.  You feel so accomplished.  No longer do I have to fret about what I am getting people.  No longer do I have to wonder what store would have ____.  Of course the other side of this, now I have to wrap it all.  OH MAN!!  So maybe I am not done yet.

Isn't life like this sometimes.  We get so excited when we are finished with something...  when something is completed andI out of our way only to realize that there is another step we did not think of.  Then there comes to the part of me that goes back to my journey I am on.  How has my thoughts of "just be-ing" changed the way I did this little task?

I am not one that really stresses over the process of shopping.  I am not sure "being" really goes in to the thrill of the shopping.  I am not sure there really is a thrill more of just a knowing that it has to get done.  So, perhaps this is one of those "doing" things that goes with being?  It is not a bad thing, unless you stress about it endlessly.

So, before I head off to the post office to mail off packages, and start the eternal wrapping process, I think perhaps I need to spend some time remember the joy and peace that comes with seeing a task completed.  My prayers go in to each gift.

I wish all tasks were this fun to complete as Christmas shopping.  I still have 3 knitting projects to finish.  One will definitely be a New Year's gift but that is ok.

AMEN

I don't want to alarm anyone

ONLY 2 WEEKS TIL CHRISTMAS!!!

Ok, so now that that scare is over.  It always amazes me that people wait til the last minute for things.  My husband always wait til the last minute to get each other birthday presents and then end up buying them 2 weeks late.  We will end up doing the same for each other for Christmas probably.  We always have good intentions but still wait til the last minute.

You know gift giving is a funny thing.  We stress about it.  We worry about getting the right thing.  We get this year's gifts based on reactions of last years gifts.  It always amazes me the lengths people go to to find the "perfect" gift.

There are several trains of thought when it comes to gift giving, at least in my mind:

generosity and thankfulness -- Each year, I base alot of my thoughts on gifts around being incredibly thankful for the loving people in my life.  I am generous in putting alot of thought and prayers in to each and every gift.  It is just how I am.

useability -- I know this one is not necessary, but for me it really is.  I tend to lean towards giving gifts to others that they will be able to use.  I especially look for those times when people drop unintentional hints of something they have been looking at for awhile but not bought for themselves.

handmade/homemade -- I am a crafter/artist.  I love to put thoughts and prayers into gifts.  Giving someone a knitted toy, dishcloth, shawl, blanket that I have gotten to spend time putting prayers into each stitch of a gift.  That makes the gift more meaningful to me.

good gifts-  Alot of charities and non for profits are doing these now.  You can donate a flock of chickens in someone's honor.  You can give money so that someone can have a cow or donate a waterwell.  There are so many options.  These are becoming more favorable to me as I get older and realize that alot of my family doesn't need more "stuff." Most of the people in my life are constantly destashing and uncluttering their lives, so why do they need more stuff.  This way a charitable donation is given in their honor to help someone who doesn't have the basic needs in life.

So what does this all mean for me right here at this very moment -- I am not nearly done Christmas shopping. I am not overly stressed about this but really it is in the back of my mind.  It is in the back of my mind that I will again not get all of my knitted gifts ready.  The 2 cortisone shots have confirmed that and it really ticks me off, but that is ok.  In all things, I remember that I am supposed to "just be" and not get caught up in the noise.  That is difficult during the Christmas season but I think it is a lesson I am again learning all too quickly.

Just BE and Merry Christmas.
AMEN

Christmas Past -- Christmas to Come

Memories are a funny thing.  Often when I meet up with friends on Facebook from childhood or wherever, we have to walk down memory lane.  Christmas is a big holiday of memories.  Past the big reason for Christmas, Jesus obviously, Christmas is a time for families to create memories.

I still remember the look on Jody's face when he was standing outside my house in Midland on Christmas night -- it was snowing.  It was the first time he had seen snow on Christmas.  He was 27, I think, and he was like a little kid standing out there.

I remember 2 Christmases ago, Cade got his Thomas the Train set.  He looked over the balcony into the living room and said, "Mommy, there is a train down there!"  Of course that Christmas is also a big memory maker in that my mother, father, Jody and me were sicker than dogs.  We had chicken broth and crackers for Christmas. We had to go find somewhere open to buy them and were all green.  (ok, so some memories are not all that good.)

Memories come to us in so many ways.  My grandfather always wore Old Spice.  It is a generic smell, really, but it always brings me comfort.  Of course my grandmother always wore White Diamonds and my sinuses hated the smell -- but that is a different story.

This past Friday and Saturday was another big walk down memory lane for me.  I was at Camp Chrysalis for the Upper Elementary Advent Retreat.  Chrysalis holds so many memories for me that just to walk on the campsite makes my spirit dance.  I remember building a wall outside of cabin 2, I remember laying outside cabin 8 (which is not there anymore) and watching a huge thunderstorm roll in on my birthday.  I remember countless places that I had devotion time and even what they were about.  I have had so many God moments at Chrysalis over the years that even to have the opportunity to pass those God moments onto a new generation just makes me happy.

When I walked out onto the Chapel porch and remembered all the nights of devotions with Staff in Training and Counselor in Training, I almost cried.  They were tears of joy but that exact place was where I have felt closest to God so many times in my life.

So often in life, we want to "make memories."  We want to have traditions that can take us from year to year. More than that for me, though, it is the little things in life.  The little giggles I get from weird experiences, the moving God moments of my life that at the time didn't mean much but still make my spirit dance.

What are the little things in your life that bring back memories?  Maybe they did not mean much at the time but when you revisit those places, smells, tastes you can feel your spirit dance.  It is a cool feeling.

AMEN

Obstacles

I sit here and look at a beautiful bouquet of irises.  They have to be standing 2 1/2 feet tall in a gorgeous burgundy and white color.  We had a wedding here on Saturday and they gave Margaret and I the 2 bouquets of irises from the reception.

They are on the edge of my desk and block my view out my office door.  As beautiful as they are, I keep having to look around them to see who is coming in my office.  As they are creating an obstacle, it got me thinking.

Each day, I set out with a certain amount of things I want to get done or have to get done.  Many times that list grows during the day.  Sometimes when least expected, I have to quickly shift gears and do other things.  As a whole, most people do not like obstacles.  We don't like to change what we had planned to do and obstacles create unbalanced schedules and things have to get moved around.

But, let's look at obstacles in a different way.  When things don't go the way you planned or there is a bump in the road, perhaps it is for a reason.  As I look at these iris flowers, yes they are an obstacle but I also am reminded of the beauty that is God's creation.  I am quickly reminded of the beautiful, sweet wedding from where they adorned the tables.  Yes, they create a hindrance in my sight, but they are so pretty that I don't care.

Much of life is like that really.  We don't like things to get in our way of the end goal.  When that happens though, we have two choices.  We can mope and sulk about the obstacle and the frustration that it might cause or we can use the obstacle as an opportunity to change the way we are thinking.

Perhaps you are an athlete that is all of a sudden injured and have to side line for the rest of the season ...
Perhaps someone you expected to be at an event couldn't make it for some unknown reason...
Perhaps you really want to pursue career X, but for now you have to do career Y waiting for the opportunity to come about....

SO.... will yours be an obstacle or a new opportunity.

Every little thing is gonna be alright

A week or so ago, one of my friends did one of those Facebook quizzes that asked "what song reminds you of Mariesa?"  Her answer was "Every little thing is gonna be alright."  I find that funny and kinda cool, I guess.

I remember a time in my life, not so long ago when I constantly worried.  I worried about money.  I worried about health.  I worried about just about everything that could be worried about.  I was constantly stressed and let frustrations of the world get to me ALL THE TIME.

Back in January, I went through Cert School.  One of our devotion times, was very life changing for me (or at least a major change in understanding of my life).  We were "walking with Jesus."  We met up with Jesus on the road and could ask him anything and then as the meditation, devotion time went on, we came to a break in the road.  Jesus told us one last thing and then we parted ways.  During that "walk with Jesus," I didn't really know that I had questions that I needed to ask Jesus.  He asked where I was going and I responded, "Dunno just walking."  As we "walked" on there was a peaceful silence.  I don't really think we "talked" but had a silent connection.  When we "parted ways" on this road, Jesus looked me dead in the eyes and said, "you are headed in the right direction."

Now a little background in that the road I was "walking" on in this little meditation was any road of my choosing and I chose the road out of the camp back to San Antonio.  This was the camp that started my journey to ministry and going back to it was a phenomenal step in this "faith journey."

What I took from "You are headed in the right direction" is that life can throw you for so many twists and turns.  Most of our life, we wonder if we are doing the right things.  We wonder if we are making the right choices.  To have that affirmed in such a strange way in this meditation, devotion time was mind blowing to me.  Ever since then, I have tried to live me life in that way.  I constantly remember standing at that fork in the road with "Jesus" and hearing him reaffirm that I am "headed in the right direction."  This makes the road alot easier.  This makes the conflicts of life easier to bear.  This helps me understand that I truly am working to make my life happy... to be truly happy.

I am reading this book that talks about our levels of consciousness.  It points out again for me that my happiness comes from within.  Outside forces can't truly make me "happy."  If I live as I am happy, then I will be happy.  I am still grasping that concept and not totally sure about it.  I am sure however that I feel peace when I remember that Jesus is standing with me as I travel down this road "in the right direction."

AMEN

Faith Like a Child

Cade amazes me daily.  He is at this crazy growing and learning stage.  He takes everything in and everything very seriously.  We have grounded him in a life of faith from early on.

Tuesday was a hard day in the Robbins house.  We had to put down our dog, Muffin.  She was suffering and I knew the cold that is starting now would have done her in.  It was selfish of me to not let her get peace.  So, I set out Tuesday night to try and explain what was going to happen to Muffin.  After some talking, Cade told me that "Muffin was going to live with Jesus and that when she got younger, she would come back to live with us."  WOW.... then he added "since Jesus is in my heart, Muffin is in my heart too."  I love my little boy.  I still don't know if he totally "understands" that Muffin is never coming back but he knows Muffin was sick and went to be with Jesus.  (No matter what your theology, that is what i believe in my heart of hearts).

The faith things he comes up with amaze me.  A year ago we started really reinforcing praying before bed and reciting prayers.  Every night he recites "Now I lay me" and then goes on to a string of people in his life he wants to bless.  The night Muffin died he added, "Jesus, take care of Muffin because I am gonna miss her very much."  I melted.

After prayers, we make the sign of the cross on his forehead and say, "Cade, you are a child of God sealed by the Holy Spirit and marked with the cross of Christ forever and I love you."  If we forget or are in a rush one night, Cade is quick to remind us.  Alot of times he also does the same to his various stuffies that he sleeps with.

The Bible says that we should have faith like a child.  I think we get caught in overthinking things.  We get caught in the parts of the world that truly takes us from God.  We get stuck in the ruts of reality and forget the pure joy that comes with faith like a child.

May each of us during this Advent season remember that all the extra stuff doesn't matter.  Help us to each have faith like a child.

AMEN

It's amazing what a little cleaning can do

So today, my workload was small.  (This happens like twice a year, I think).  I decided to take the opportunity to do a big organization project on my office.  It included ridding myself of lots of stuff that people "give" me to put in my office for some reason or another, filing that gets backed up for long stretches of the year, and to get ahead on other things that usually pile up.

I do not claim to be an organized person.  There is usually a method to my madness but to the common, naked eye -- I am a disorganized mess.  (hmm.... that could fit in other ways I think).

The one thing I realized is going through stuff in my office, helps me to walk down memory lane.  I went through some CDs both music and computer and remembered events and recalled experiences from concerts and pictures.  I have one drawer that holds photos for an extended period of time.  I got the opportunity to go through some of them and get rid of duplicates.  I laughed at things gone by.

It also helped me to find or re-remember things that I needed to look at starting.  I have been collecting McDonalds kid toys all year to start a box for Bible Studies.  I had forgotten about them.

It's alot like the noise we have in our life really.  All the stuff we accumulate, all the projects that go unfinished, all the filing that never gets done take us from our God time.  The physical noise is just as bad as the noises we let in our head really.

It was fun going through and decluttering the office today.  It is not done but at least I can concentrate on the tasks at hand instead of worrying about all the stuff that is making my office unbearable.

Dear God, as we wait, watch and prepare in this Advent Season help us to remember that while setting our hearts and minds on you we must get rid of all the extraneous junk that takes us from you, even the physical stuff.

AMEN

The things we have to do in life that really just suck

Jody and I are blessed with 2 dogs.  Muffin is a terrier mix that is almost 12 years old.  Houdini is an Australian Shepherd Mix that is almost 9.  We got Muffin out of the paper as a "free to good home" dog and Dini was a pound puppy.  Both dogs have had wonderful lives.

Muffin has always had some problems.  She has had intestinal issues over the years and HORRIFIC allergies to the grass in my backyard.  We have been to the vet many times to find out what is really wrong with her only to be told, we are not sure.  At this stage she has no hair on her belly, she itches her day away and lives on Benadryl.

Now, I am one who is very resolved with death when it comes to my dog's quality of life.  Most nights Muffin comes inside scratches and sleeps.  She also goes through 2 stages each year where she loses alot of weight and then gains alot of weight.  She is at the skin and bones stage right now.  The poor puppy just is not looking happy more and more.  It kills me but I know that her quality of life is on the "it sucks" side right now.

Muffin has been a crazy dog for all of these years.  She is smart as a whip and literally torments Dini for all she is worth.  She is the Alpha dog.  Cade loves Muffin.  Knowing that she is not feeling well, we have designated the "Muffin Sick Pillow" on the couch.  When she is on the "sick pillow," Cade knows to leave Muffin alone.  Muffin would never bite or snap at Cade but knowing she is not feeling great, I worry.  Dini will be heartbroken at Muffin's passing.  Dini is not the brightest light in the Christmas tree and depends on Muffin a ton.

We have known it was coming for a month now.  That doesn't make it any easier.  My selfishness in not wanting to lose my dog makes me say, "oh she will pull through this again."  This time though, I don't think she will.  She wimpers alot so I know she doesn't feel well.  The hardest thing is knowing there is not a pinpoint on what exactly is wrong with her.  Besides allergies, she has never been diagnosed with anything specific.  That makes it difficult.

In my life, I have lost 2 very close dogs.  Cricket was my childhood pekingese.  He was with us for almost 18 years.  He passed away on my birthday.  Sticky was a dog that Jody and I got shortly before we got married.  He was a pound puppy and part Cocker and part Golden.  He was an awesome dog but was taken from us very early in life with cancer.  I know dog death.  I have experienced death with pets.  That doesn't make it any easier. :(

Preparing, Watching, Waiting

Tomorrow starts the season of the church year for many known as Advent.  Advent is the season of preparing, watching and waiting.  Every child understands it as preparing, watching and waiting for Christmas.  I mean, that is the important part, right?  We prepare the house for company and for little kids -- preparing the Christmas lists for Santa.  We watch as it gets colder and snows (if you are in the right parts of the world).  We watch the sale papers to get the best deals.  And the waiting...  Children wait in line to sit on Santa's lap.  We wait for Christmas dinner to be ready.  We wait for .... well lots of stuff (as Cade would put it) during this month.

So is that really what Advent is all about?  Is it all about getting to Christmas Day and all the stuff that goes with that?  I surely hope not.

Preparing -- How is the right way to prepare during this season and throughout the year?  We constantly avoid our God time.  We constantly worry about self gratification instantly instead of concentrating on our gratitude and giving that blesses others as well as blessing us. We need to prepare our hearts for God and not constantly worry about preparing our priority lists and our next big function.

Watching -- The more I know about God in my own life, the more I see God.  The Glory of God is EVERWHERE.  If we just would take time to relax and enjoy life, we would really see God.  (Yes, I am speaking to myself in alot of ways).

Waiting -- This is the hardest for me.  Much of my faith has questioned what exactly I am waiting for.  I understand it but I don't and I think that is ok.  I am waiting for something bigger than myself.  I am waiting for what is to come and even though I don't have words to express that in many ways, that makes the waiting that much more interesting.

Now, there are alot of other "ing" words during this season that I do think have their importance in my life and my faith.
Giving and loving - These are things we should ALWAYS do.  GIving of ourselves, giving to our friends and loved ones...give.  And love?  I could not exist without love.  In my own capacity, I am put on this earth to love others always unconditionally.

Wanting -Cade has figured out the wanting side of Christmas.  I want that, mommy.  I want that, mommy.  I really want that.  I hear it at least 10 times a day.  More than wanting, I think we long for something greater.  We long for a better life.  We long for what is to come.  I remember a song from National Youth Gathering a few years ago, "Bound for Greater Things" by Ken Medema.

We are bound for greater things
Bound to want a higher goal
Joined by dreams and led by vision
we will know the Grace of God

There are wonderful things that go into this season.  This Advent season helps to remind us of important parts of our faith.  We should really, though, focus and remember these things everyday of our lives.  As we go through the preparing and experiencing the sights and sounds of Christmas, let us each be mindful that we are preparing, waiting and watching for something WAY bigger than December 25.

AMEN

oh the joys of materialism and retail therapy

So, today is Black Friday.  Today is the day where the whole of America's retail industry is supposed to be in the "black" for the year.  Rock bottom prices abound on this the day after Thanksgiving.  This day, weekend rather always just amazes me.

So, what did I do at 3:00 am this morning -- you guessed it -- stood in line.  Insert rolling eyes here.  Now, before any passing judgement occurs, I strongly disagree with most bargaining techniques to lure the public to spend way beyond their means only to go into greater debt.  We are not a credit card family.  Every year we come to this time of year and save up a little extra for Christmas and for things we actually need.

So, what did  I wait in line for at 3:00 am this morning?  Jody and I now own an Acer Aspire Netbook.  We have a computer that has limped along and gets more and more error messages lately.  There is only so many registry fixes and defrags and memory resets that a computer can handle.  The upgrade has come for awhile and the deal was right.

What did I learn from all of this?  You meet interesting people standing in line at Sam's Club at 3 in the morning.  We talked about a little bit of everything.  We talked about family and church and how crazy we all must be to be out there.  A benefit of Sam's Club was only members were fighting for the best deals.  (Hey and continental breakfast).

It was a fun morning.  I got what I needed, had some good connecting time, and hey I finished a knitted gift too.  What amazed me was all of the people that just went crazy at the anticipation of the hunt -- the thrill of the best deal.  As I have said many times before, I am not a shopper.  I don't get alot of excitement out of browsing stores forever.  I circled what I wanted at Walmart and we got 1 of the things (jammies for Cade).

It was just so bizarre to watch materialism at its best.  Last year we bought a tv.  A tube in our TV was going out the first part of October.  We knew it was inevitable.  We saved the money and again were part of the thrill of Black Friday.  I don't think I will ever be that into the sales.  I don't think I will EVER go from store to store -- but, if the deal is right, I will do it.

May everyone get everything they desire and live within their means this holiday season.

AMEN

(and Cade looks really cute in his new Toy Story jammies)

Comfort

As everyone finishes their Thanksgiving meals, stuffing themselves with all sorts of yummies, watching games and parades, visiting and fighting with family (yeah we all do it),  I really start thinking about comfort.  You know that shiny happy feeling you get when everything just feels good.  (Yes, that is before you over stuff yourself).

This is the time of year when "comfort" comes most to mind.  This is when all the snuggly blankets, fleece pajamas and fuzzy slippers show up in the ads at WalMart and Target.  People, probably not in San Antonio, begin to build fires in the fire place, drink hot chocolate and get out the cozy winter coats.

So this got me thinking on this Thanksgiving day.  What are the most comforting and warm, fuzzy feelings in my world.  In the morning, Cade comes and joins us in bed.  "Mommy, can we snuggle?"  There is not a more comforting feeling in the world.  When Jody surprises me with something, anything just because.... that is very comforting.

Then, warm, snuggly soft yarn.  My favorite will always be Malabrigo.  It slides off needles like butter and is a joy to knit.  More comforting though is to be able to create gifts for family and friends that come from the heart.  Thoughts and prayers go into each stitch off the needles -- more than they could ever know.  Being able to make things for people, versus going to thousands of stores looking for the perfect gift (remember, I don't like to shop) just is very comforting.

The tastes and smells of the holiday season.  Starting at Halloween really -- I love the smells of candied apples, all things pumpkin, apple cider.  Thanksgiving comes with turkey and cranberries.  Both of these are favorites.  Then comes Christmas.  Spices and smells of Christmas just make one warm and fuzzy inside.

So, why do all of these things create comfort for me?  Many of the things that we find comforting in life are because of memories.  It is comforting to remember things in the past that are sparked from a smell or a feeling.  Many comforting things help us to feel the love and warmth from another.  Also, we can spread that love around -- very comfortable.

May all of my loved ones find comfort and peace in this world around them.

AMEN

A work of art

Ever since I was very young, I loved all things "art." I loved the process of creating art, I loved looking at art... everything. Over the past few days the subject of art has made it into several of my conversations.

At church, we have been creating prayer stones -- forming bits of clay and then when they harden writing words or drawings that help express our feelings in prayer.

I knit. Knitting has become my current creative expression of art. Knitters are such funny people and always get in arguments over types of yarn and ways people knit. The subject of novelty yarn had come up. Most either love it or hate it. Another knitter put it very simply -- novelty yarn is like junk food for the needles -- it is not good for you but sometimes you just have to use it. (for you non yarn people -- novelty yarn is like fun fur and goofy textures and usually all acrylic. This is as opposed to natural fibers).

Someone also described her knitting and designing as creating and a work of art. As we know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have knitted some items that I would not give my dog for a chew toy. I just don't find them aesthetical. There is always someone who loves them.

I used to paint and draw. These were my times of greatest spiritual release at that stage of my life. I would be inspired by songs or scriptures or really just life in general. I remember standing at a concert with 60,000 people all worshiping God It was breathtaking. I had to paint it. I had to find a way to express that joy onto that canvas.

I have also done a bit of sculpture and pottery. While these did not give me as much satisfaction and joy, I still found them quite enjoyable. One piece, pictured above, was with mixed media of chicken wire armature and paper mache. We were supposed to create a vessel of life. Forming and playing with the chicken wire reminded me of fire. I remembered growing up and the "planned burns" in West Texas of ranchland to help make the soil more rich. The piece became known as "Dying to be Reborn" and was displayed in an religious Art Show in downtown Chicago.

I was talking with a friend about digital art and he said it was "just on a computer." It wasn't like it was done with a paint brush. I disagree.

Through all of the different media I have used to create art throughout my life, I have found that even cutting little scraps of paper and gluing into a collage, provides me great comfort and joy. I become more aware of my surroundings because I notice the darks and the lights the positive and negative energies that are there.

Art is what you make it -- whatever you make it. Art is an expression of being, of loving and of beauty in every form.

AMEN

The Art of Just Being

Sundays are crazy busy. Usually by the time I slow down and take a breath, the world has flown past and it is time for bed. They are usually filled with stress, confusion, wild craziness, overscheduling... yeah and I love every minute of it normally.

Today was different. You might ask, how?
Easy answer -- I started it in silent prayerful meditation. Normally my Sundays start focused on such crazy energy that it is pure adrenaline. Today was not adrenaline. Today was passion. Today was the spirit. That is the only way I can explain it. I turned off all the lights in my office, lit a candle and prayed.

If someone had told me several months ago, that I would find time in my Sunday to stop and be, I would have laughed at them. Sundays are noisy. There is no other way of putting it. It is not bad noise, in fact on the contrary, Sundays rock. They are usually so full of busyness that it is awesome. The difference however, is because I started the day in peace, my day was a lot more peaceful.

I have been talking to my youth alot about prayer. Teaching people about how important prayer and quiet time is in this overscheduled world is hard. People don't want to think about adding one more thing to their schedules. That was the beauty of this though. I was sitting checking email, saw my candle I frequently use for quiet time and just did it.

2 months ago, ridding my head of the noise was difficult. Concentrating on my breathing and nothing else took alot of effort but not as much now. It is amazing when you slow the world down, how awake your senses become. I was drinking green tea (who would've thought). The flavors intensified because I had released the other noise. Candles are amazing. Watching them flicker and the light dancing and brightening is mesmerizing. When watching a candle during prayer time, the light is that much more amazing.

I spent time quietly going through my day. I spent time focusing on the things of my day that normally bring me stress and releasing those things from me. I focused on last Sunday and how energized and joyful the experiences were. I focused on my youth and the encounters I would have with them over the course of the day. I focused on just be-ing. I focused on not focusing.

So, what did I get from that whole experience. I was energized. I felt lighter and ready to take on whatever was thrown my way and just really concentrated on enjoying the day. The ease of the day, in all its busyness, did not seem quite as busy. And now as the day closes, I am still more excited for my passions, my vision and my calling. I am excited for the changes that are happening around me and with me and I want to share that with everyone I see.

How simple it was to just start the day in silence communing my spirit with God.
AMEN

Thanksgiving Status Updates -- part deaux

It has been a crazy interesting month. Earlier in my blogs I had started a "being thankful" blog. It was disjointed and not well thought out and I wanted to try it again.

Over the past month, people on Facebook have been posting "status updates" about what they are thankful for. It has been interesting. Some are grateful for little things that happen through the day, "post" Fort Hood shootings -- people posted about being thankful for safety and thankful for the survivors and such. Overall people have really had a lot of "fun" with this subject. (My husband even posted that he was thankful for his queen sized bed).

In my sermon preparation, last week on "giving" and "thanks," a friend asked "why we give?" I was reminded of this as I sat at our community Thanksgiving service for the Randolph Area Christian Assistance Program. The Pastor used the story Stone Soup to talk about the fact that we are all blessed. Because we are blessed, we bless others.

Sometimes we don't feel blessed. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut. Sometimes bad things happen. All of these things are fact. (or our opinion of the situation, I guess). We don't want to look at the whole picture and scratch beneath the surface. We want to see our glass as half empty. (all cliche's I know).

So for this Thanksgiving, let's scratch the surface. Let us look at the whole picture.

I'll start -- here is my "official" Thanksgiving Status Update
I'm thankful for my family. I have a loving and caring family. Yes we have put up with alot in our lives but we always come out on top. We support each other. We are fighters. We know that at the end of the day, we can all sit around and laugh about the world.

I am thankful that I live in a city that has a proud military existence. I don't know that I ever understood military life until I took my current position at Christ the King. I always appreciated it, yes, but I understand it better now. I lift up our armed forces in prayer at all times. I am proud of the freedom that they help me to have. I am honored to know and love them of all shapes and sizes. (active, retired and family members)

I am thankful to have a job that challenges, uplifts, blesses and provides in abundance. I love the people I work with, love the church that I serve and love all that goes with it. I am blessed to be a part of Christ the King Lutheran Church.

I am thankful to be able to enjoy the things in life that I love to do. I am blessed to be able knit, to be able to play the violin, to be able to exercise and enjoy it, to be able to play in parks with Cade... and oh so many things. There are many in this world that are not able to have fun and I am so blessed that I constantly have that opportunity.

I am blessed by the sights and sounds of this world that remind me that God is great. Being able to experience God's creation on so many levels is a truly beautiful thing.

I am thankful for my friends. My friends excite me. My friends challenge me. My friends teach me. My friends love me. My friends care. I could list them one by one but they all know who they are and I thank God for them daily.

I am thankful for experiences. I am thankful for the highs and the lows of life. All of life is a learning experience and I love that I can learn and grow in my understanding of this wonderful world. I am thankful for the good times that I can praise God for. I am also thankful for the bad times that help me learn something new about myself and grow in that.

I am thankful for so many things. More of those are revealed to me on an hourly basis sometimes. I am thankful for life. I could go on forever probably and still not totally cover everything.

Thank you God that I am able to be in this world and encounter everything that I am given. Help all of us this Thanksgiving understand what we are thankful for and to give thanks for those blessings every day of our lives.
AMEN

Signs, Signs everywhere are signs

I am coming upon another opportunity to preach next week. These are refreshing changes in my schedule and often give me the opportunity to learn a little more about myself as well as learning about scripture.

The upcoming passages for the Sunday deal alot with signs. (It's Advent of course.) Yesterday, I talked about my uncertainty in a sign I was being given. When we see a road sign, we know what we are supposed to do (stop, yield, turn), the signs from God can be a little more interesting.

Moses saw a burning bush. The burning bush was God telling him to lead the Israelites out of slavery. It was a pretty "in your face" sign from God. Yes, he could have avoided it, but he did not. Do we have those signs now? Does God show up and tell people to build big boats, does God come in burning bushes? Would we pay attention if it did happen?

I think throughout life we have signs, they may not be as in your face as a burning bush, but we have little "ways" of letting us know what the answer is supposed to be.

I remember when my mother had decided to retire from teaching kindergarten she called me one night worried about her decision. She was a life long teacher. It was all she knew. She worried whether it was really time to retire. I gave her the good "ministry" answer to her questions, "Well, mom, if you are supposed to retire now, God will let you know."

About a month later, my mother was headed to a school board meeting. Midland had always had kindergarten helpers that were Seniors in High School who sorta "student" taught and helped out in the classroom part time each day. The decision was being made as to whether Midland should have the program. They decided, for whatever reason, to abolish the program. That meant that her extra helpers were gone. She looked to God and said, "Ok I hear you."

I often wonder why we, or more specifically me I guess, don't look to God for guidance in decisions. We take for granted that guidance when it comes to problems and dilemmas. But even more than that, we miss the signs. We miss the roadblocks, the directional signs, the yield signs that God often throws directly in our path.

Why? I can answer that very simply for me. I like control. I like control. I like control. Letting go of that control and being aware of what God is doing in my life may seem easy, but I really like control.

I think it goes even one step further though. We get so caught up in our lists and our processes of life, the doing that we forget to experience. We forget the slow down. We forget to enjoy. I talk alot about my noise, but that is it. We don't let ourselves get rid of the noise and see the signs of God and from God that are right there in our face sometimes. We are so preoccupied with this and that that we lose reality of what is truly important.

AMEN

Certainty in Uncertainty-- Moses had it WAY easier

Way back in October (yes a month ago), I had my little experience with the "perfect oatmeal." I heard a little voice in my head, God, I don't know -- It said, "Let go of your uncertainty." I have been puzzled by this ever since then and still very much am. I figured it had to do with that whole experience of meditation and quiet prayer time that was very new to me in that capacity at that moment. I am unsure of that now. (yeah uncertain).

The reason is this "uncertain" word has come up alot in my prayers lately. I have NO idea really what I am uncertain about. I think I am pretty comfortable in life. I am very happy in my place in this world. Of course, as we all know, God likes to take us out of our comfort zone. BUT I LIKE TO BE COMFORTABLE!!!

So, today as I was driving back in silence (was very hard to get rid of noise today), there it was again. "Don't be uncertain because certainty is right before you." Ok, so those that know me, know that I don't use the words certainty and uncertain or anywhere in between. This is why it is so weird. What am I uncertain about? Do I know? Do I want to know? Is this some kinda of Moses and the burning bush thing that I don't see.

Listening to God seems easy most of the time. Assurance of where you are headed, difficulty in answering a question, gratitude -- you know all those things you are supposed to pray for. That is all well and fine but what am I uncertain of? Why can I not see that uncertainty?

Then God throws another curve ball at the fire. I get online after this revelation in the car and a friend tells me that she heard a song the other day that reminded her of me. JJ Heller's Your Hands.

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands

Now, I have never heard this song in my life. (Apparently it is on KLove right now). The song WAY too uncomfortably talks about uncertainty.

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN???? Sometimes I think Moses had it easier with the burning bush in front of him.

Valuable lessons learned from unexpected people

It always amazes me people who don't see their gifts and valuable thoughts. I was reading a friend's blog today. She did not feel completely worthy to give a sermon because she thought her faith was a phony faith. She then followed those words with some of the most beautiful and profound words of faith that I have read in a long time. They were written (and spoken) from her heart on such a personal level that they were truly beautiful.

Faith is an interesting thing.

from wikipedia -- Faith is the confident belief or trust in the truth or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing. The word "faith" can refer to a religion itself or to religion in general. As with "trust", faith involves a concept of future events or outcomes, and is used conversely for a belief "not resting on logical proof or material evidence. "Informal usage of the word "faith" can be quite broad, and may be used in place of "trust" or "belief."
Faith is often used in a religious context, as in theology, where it almost universally refers to a trusting belief in a transcendent reality, or else in a Supreme Being and/or this being's role in the order of transcendent, spiritual things.

One of the most interesting experiences doing children's sermon was when I served in a congregation in Illinois. Many times when giving children's sermon's I feel like I am speaking Greek. Either what I am saying doesn't make sense to them or they don't want to answer because they are scared or their parents said to be quiet in church. But this experience will always make me smile.

It was a new little boy, think he was 7 or 8, that I had not seen before. He was the only one that morning which is always a little awkward. I honestly don't remember what my lesson was about. I asked my first question and he immediately told me, "You know, you get to Jesus on a rocket ship." I was confused and at first thought he was just being silly. So, I continued with my lesson. He was insistent. "You have to get to Jesus by going on a rocket ship." I realized that I needed to respond. I said, "Oh really?" He responded, "Yes, you have to believe in Jesus and then you get to go on the rocket ship to be with Jesus. Jesus is way up high and that is how you get to him." It was at that moment that I understood his faith. It was an innocent understanding that he could put in concrete terms on his level. How could that be wrong?

After the service, his mother came up and apologized to me. I was confused and said, why the apology? She apologized for him being "disruptive" and explained that he was Asperger's Syndrome. She then humbly said that she would have him stay back if it was a problem that he be at Children's Sermon. I was taken aback by this. Yes, he had totally thrown my children's sermon off that morning. BUT...his understanding of faith and belief in Jesus was so innocent and so pure that it could never be wrong. He shared what he had felt at that moment needed to get out. I told the mother, please don't ever keep your child from children's sermons. I looked forward to him sharing his faith with me in the future.

People think that because people of ministry have more schooling, Theology degrees, Masters of Divinity, Doctorates, that we have to have all the answers. My degree in Theology must make me wiser in my faith. I realized that morning that that could not have been farther from the truth. Faith for me is such a personal thing. Faith and belief and the understandings of both are on such a personal level that they can't be "wrong" and need to be expressed on so many levels.

Hebrews 11:1 says "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." The whole of chapter 11 talks about people with strong faiths that accepted what was before them to have faith in something far greater than themselves.

May we all understand that we are worthy to share our personal faith.
AMEN

Understanding the important things in life

I have a very supportive family. That has never been a secret. We are a small family but we are very close because of that, for the most part.

Pretty much it is my family (Jody, me and Cade), my sister's family (Jessica and her children Dillon and Madison), my mom and my dad. There are some extended family of course but mostly these are the people that mean the world to me.

My parents have always bent over backwards for Jessica and I. I would not say that we got EVERYTHING we wanted, but we were given some very awesome opportunities as kids. Jessica was a cheerleader and gymnast and lived the lifestyle as such. Me, I was the music person with Orchestra and Band. We lived very active lifestyles and must have run our parent's ragged.

There is no secret that my sister and I have never really been close. Don't know if she has started reading my blog, but I can guarantee she would agree. We could probably have been the poster children for sibling rivalry. We are pretty much as opposite as daylight and dark.

All that being said, I would walk through fire for my sister and I hope to say she would do the same.

All this is important right now, because my sister is about to close a chapter of her life and open a new unexpected chapter. It will be a hard, long road but a road I know that with her stubborn personality, she will come out on top. She always does.

In life, big changes make us understand what is important. We may have always known it but never really accepted it.

May God walk with my sister and her two children through this new journey.
AMEN

"Mommy, I have to ask you a question."

Cade is in such a cute stage right now. When he gets up in the middle of the night and doesn't want to go back to his bed, he says, "Mommy, can I snuggle with you." Who can argue with that.

Today I got him 2 knitted finger puppets at the Kid n Ewe and Llama's too (a yarn and fiber show). He is already planning a finger puppet show and says I will be invited.

Being a mommy is so much fun. He is in a total adventure stage right now. He likes to be a daredevil which of course scares mommy to death. He is also becoming very independent and wants to do EVERYTHING himself. It is hard to believe that just 5 years ago, I was pregnant not really understanding this awesome journey I would now be so excited with. Cade is a goof ball, he is inquisitive, he is excited about everything. All this makes being a mommy that much better.

All of these people out there in Facebook land and in general are spending alot of time talking about things they are thankful for for the whole month of November. I am most thankful that I am able to be a mommy. I am thankful that I have been blessed with a supportive husband that loves his son and would move mountains for him. I love that I have a cuddly little boy who just amazes me everyday with every little thing he does.

It's the little things in life sometimes that make you realize how blessed and thankful I am. I don't ever take for granted being a mommy but happy reminders of how awesome it is are a great thing.

"Mommy, can I ask you a question."
"Mommy, I love you"
"Mommy, Can we snuggle."
"I missed you, Mommy"
"I'm gonna sing you the song in my head"
"I WUV strawberries"

and oh so many more....
Life is good :)

Calling... Giving... loving ... caring.... listening ...

I have been alot of different places today. I have not actually left my office but I have been alot of different places in my own head today. So, as I have figured out and have to keep getting reminded of, that is when it is time for me to stop.

Calling -- I believe each of us is called to a different place in the world. I believe we each understand that calling differently. Some of us are called to be teachers. Some of us are called to be doctors. I understood my calling early in life, or at least received it even if I still don't fully understand it. I believe I am called to share the love of God with young people. Young people today are hurting, overscheduled, confused, confident, crazy and loved. They need to be loved. They need people to understand that they want people to listen to them. This is a calling I understand and accept in different ways everyday of my life. I want to reach out to young people in new and different ways to let them know that God is there. God cares even though they may feel battered, bruised, confused and overwhelmed with all that life is throwing at them.

Giving -- I have dealt with this in abundance this week. Doing a sermon on giving for a thankoffering service really focuses a person to fully define what giving means for them. All I have belongs to God. I know that God will provide for my every need even though I sometimes don't understand that in the now. I give from my heart knowing that my rewards will be greater than anything I can grasp.

Loving -- Sometimes we just need to be loved. We need love without expectations. We need love that is given and returned and given and returned....I have been reading about the organization "To Write Love on Her Arms" today. As a person who has experienced abuse very close to home and suicide and addiction and friends and loved ones in pain and depression, people need to know that everyone needs love. Everyone needs to know the power of a simple hug, a simple "I love you." People need to know that someone is there.

Caring -- This is so close to love for me. Caring and reaching out to someone is so important for me. Showing someone the love of Christ, being a "little Christ" to someone is such a gift. Loving someone as Christ has loved us and being there in their time of trouble to lend a hand or a shoulder without expects of anything in return is awesome.

Listening -- This is something I work on and struggle with everyday. I talk ALOT. I go and do and do and go and sometimes forget to stop and listen. I get so caught up in the process that I forget to hear what needs to be heard.

In our lives we are pulled in so many different ways and many times these things all lead us to one simple truth. We are led to understand that all of these things are important but we have to accept them. We have to embrace the calling, give from our hearts, love and care without expectation and most importantly listen. Listen to whatever needs to be heard.

AMEN

a gentle reminder at the right time

Why when we know something is good for us, do we not always do it? We know that we should only eat certain foods, but we don't. We know that we should exercise 3 times a week, but we make excuses.

This has been a busy week. Lots of tasks to get done, lots of stuff. I always let that noise take over. I know that makes me stressed. I know that makes me unbalanced. Why do I do it? I guess it is all I have done for SO LONG that old habits are hard to break.

But I was reminded today, "don't forget to just be." DUH, but I wasn't BEing. I was getting caught up in silly stuff. So, for the last little while, I stopped.

You stop and relax, you stop and refocus, you stop and listen -- and the whole world really opens up. I have spent some time during this moment of being --creating.

Last weekend, my youth spent some time in youth groups making prayer stones. They have words, sayings, colors, pictures to help engage prayer. They have used up my supply. I like to keep extras onhand in case someone needs a specific one or a new one needs to be made.

So, I pulled out the the squishy playdoh stuff that I have been making extras out of and just started creating. It is amazing how erasing the noise and just listening and being can refocus you.

God, At those times in our lives where we get so stuck in the noises and messyness of life, help us to know to stop and listen. God, help me know to stop, listen and be in your presence.
AMEN