Calmer of the Storm

I am finding more and more in life, that people look to me for calm. This amazes me sometimes because I am the most spastic - not calm - overly emotional person I know.

I have experienced alot in life. When I start spouting off things like my allergies and medical history, and surgeries-- peoples jaws drop. Things that most people don't see like Typhoid and Tuberculosis. Yeah, it is alot.

So in all this chaos and craziness, why do people see "calm" in me? This baffles me. Whenever I start talking about the calming of the storm and finding the calm in my life I remember one of my favorite songs that often is on repeat on my mp3/blackberry is "Calmer of the Storm" by Downhere.

I find such hope and faith in the scripture where Jesus calms the storms. I realize in my life that I have joys and pains and that is a constant fluctuation and circle. I firmly believe too that God will never give me more than I can handle. Knowing that has gotten me some interesting sticky spots of life- through some dark cloudy storms.

But how can people look at me to calm their storms? I am just me. I don't have or want the answers. I enjoy the chaos that my life can be. I love the constant move from thing to thing.

So back to this song, hard to believe I can be side tracked in a blog. The first verse -- "When everything is wrong - the day has passed and nothing's done and the whole world seems against me. When I'm rolling in my bed there's a storm in my head. I'm afraid of sinking in despair." Wow, I have been there so many times. When I come to those moments of wanting to cry out for God... I want to know that God is right there and I do.

Then the chorus "Teach me Lord to have faith in what you're bringing me will change my life and bring you glory. There on the storm I am learning to let go of the will that I so long to control. There may I be in your arms eternally. I thank you Lord - You are the calmer of the storm."

When I was little and really sick - one of the times I was in Dallas Children's Hospital - my mother talks about sitting in the lobby and crying out to God and begging God to make me better. She said, I know you are trying to teach me something God and I am not getting it. I look at that point in my life and places that have happened since then and I can see God as the calmer of the storm, not me.

"And oh when a torment blows, in the middle of the sea. May I never trust in me, never trust in me causte there in Your Arms I find no tragedy." -- Calmer of the Storm - Downhere.

Finding the Calm in the Space Junk in my Head

Lots of thoughts in my head – especially in the recent month. With that I thought I needed to start back up on my blog that has never really gone anywhere. (yes I am a procrastinator).

A look back over the month brought so many highs and lows and middles and everywhere in betweens. I have a new and better understanding of my own mortality. I know that when I get “sick” God is usually giving me a swift kick in the butt to say, “Mariesa, you really need to slow down.” I don’t like that. I like the chaos of my mind. I like having so many things going on that I jump constantly from one to the other. I think it is the ADHD. After playing with the pigs, I mean having H1N1, I really see what happens when the world has to go on while I lie in bed helpless. I remember on Day 3, wanting to do a little housework, needing some normal chaos. Yeah, after 10 minutes I was WIPED out. I did a lot of praying that week, in between sleeping and moaning of course. I know that being sick for me is God’s butt kick back into reality. Knowing this helps me to understand the important things. Knowing this helps me to see what truly needs to happen.

Of course, then I go back to the real world and have to play catch up. I have to constantly figure out what I missed and reassess some priorities. With that, I relearn what is important.

This month has been crazy… the longest 30 days of my life would seem too nice. At the beginning of the year, I re-learned that I need to slow down. Why do I have to keep being retaught this valuable lesson? Why does God have to keep reminding me that I am His and He is in control. My life is not my own. Everything I have and do belongs to God. Why then do I let myself get bogged down in monotony and not rejoice in the grace and love that is God. This past Sunday, Pastor talked about the “space junk” that orbits our lives and can plummet into existence at any minute. I don’t want that space junk. I want so desperately to release all of those extra thoughts in my head and just rejoice in the grace and love that is God.

And then there is the reconnection with old friends – the continued connection with people far away and the close connection to people that has even become closer. I thank God daily for all the people in my life that ground me. People who make me understand what my life is and how my life affects others. People that help me see my passion and help me grow closer to God. Thank God for people like my husband who see me at my ugliest and meanest but still love me and help me through my joys and frustrations. Thank God for Cade, who gives me daily joy and understanding of the love I can give him as a mother. With all of these people, I can find a greater sense of love and purpose in my life and the world around me.

In all of my walks of life, I encounter so many different exciting experiences. I thank God daily for this adventure I call life. I praise God for the calm that I so often need but is too often ignored.