Everybody has a passion. Everybody has a story to tell

I am watching a movie this morning, The Soloist.  It is awesome.  It tells of a homeless man who is a master musician.

I don't want to give too much of the plot away but it really got me thinking about passions and people's history.  In life, we all come from different places.  We all have different reasons that we have ended up where we are.  Alot of times, we find ourselves stuck in the past.  We get ourselves stuck in a time when things were better.  We want to stay in the reality of one place in our lives that things were easy.

Often we get stuck because we are scared of failure.  We don't want to believe that we can succeed in any other ways.  We look at the high points, the mountain top places and don't ever want to take a leap of faith that might make us feel trapped.

Surviving and staying where things work make life simpler.  Surviving and just getting thru life means that we will never be hurt.

Basically what I am trying to say is everyone has a story.  Everyone has a place where they have been and it helps us to understand who we are.  I have worked with and known many people in my life.  I know people who are pursuing their dreams and never stop no matter what.  I know people who have no doubt of what they want in life and they get it no matter what it costs.

I also know many people who are scared, hurt, who fear taking that leap of faith.  It is so much easier just to survive than to trust in something they cannot see.  It is so much easier to stay where they are then to try something where they might get hurt.

Everyone has a story to tell.  Everyone has a reason that they are where they are.

Take that leap of faith and you will never be sorry.

AMEN

Everyone has top tens of the year -- yeah me too

As we close out the year, I am remembering an amazing year of new things and old.

10.  Swine flu part 1.  Yeah -- that was INTERESTING to say the least.  Having all of my kiddos at church that had school and didn't have school.  It was a riot and kinda fun.

9.  Youth Quake.  My junior high always love this event.  It is a mindblowing whirlwind weekend that helps kids realize there really is more to life than video games and mainstream music.  It is a weekend that .Jody and I always get to spend together.  He volunteers to lead workshops while I chaperone.  Probably one of the most interesting memory was taking the whole group to Herbert's Taco Hut.  My kids were scared of this rundown food place.  As we left, we got "wow, that was awesome!!!"  Really fun times.

8.  Schlitterbahn Christmas.  I still am amazed at the overpriced-ness of "entertainment."  That being said, watching Cade and Jody skid down the "bobsled" hill and watching Cade's light up with Santa and watching him on the Carousel made Schlitterbahn Christmas a FABULOUS family experience.

7.  Yarn Crawl.  There is no hiding the fact that I LOVE to yarn shop.  I loathe shopping for just about EVERYTHING else but what made the crawl THAT MUCH better this year was sharing the crawling with about 10 other people.  WAY too many yarn shops in 2 days but it was SO MUCH fun.  I got to take lives in my own hands making a Uturn outside of Fredricksburg.  I discovered the totally awesome yarn store in Wimberley.  Along with the Yarn Crawl I could also include the many knitting potlucks and get togethers over the year.  We laugh, eat, knit and just really have a lot of fun.  It is nice to have people that I can share interests with and call them friends.

6.  Swine Flu part 2.  Yeah, I got it.  It sucked.  Never have I lay motionless on a couch/bed for 5 days straight.  I had a yucky case of it.  I got way too comfortable watching TV.  I learned about dog snuggies (still think those are STUPID).  It helped me to see how sometimes slowing down will only happen if I can't do anything but.  (hard lesson)

5.  Certification School.  3 plus weeks at Lutherhill getting Certified in a profession I have now been in for 10 years.  I loved it.  It is still difficult to see myself as a life-r in youth ministry but I am.  I realized during that time just how called to youth ministry I was.  I reconnected with my calling and with God in one of the most sacred places in my life.  It was awesome.  It was reaffirming.

4.  ELCA Youth Gathering in New Orleans -- There were so many ups and downs, twists and turns.  It was crazy.  To look back and see the impact that a whole lot of high school youth had on New Orleans, it still brings me to tears.  To understand what we did in 4 short days, all I can say is WOW.  We really made a difference and had a lot of fun all at the same time.

3.  Christmas 2009.  My sister, 2 children, Jody, Cade, mother, father and me spent Christmas together.  This has never happened.  The last time Jessica and I spent Christmas together was probably 1996.  It was a wild and crazy couple of days but really was wonderful.  We had some fun memories and even funnier pictures.  Watching the 3 kids, all really close in age play together was alot of fun.  I wish it could have lasted longer.

2.  Climbing the rock tower at Lutherhill.  I am horrendously afraid of heights.  I do not like to not be in control.  I have difficulty with "trusting" others especially those that I do not know well.  When I found out that high ropes was a part of Cert School, I did not want to do it.  I hated the thought.  The fact that Pastor Ralph enjoyed the thought of me conquering my fears so much made me really wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.  I made it up part of the rock tower and then climbed the ladder straight to the top.  I hated not making it over the edge and actually going down the zip line but it took everything I had to make it to the top of the tower.

1.  Meditation and Prayer.  I have always felt connected to God.  I am a huge procrastinator.  Probably my most moving memories of the year have been those where I have spent time with God.  Spending time not worrying and not stressing, spending time in prayer over sick friends and youth, spending time concentrating on peace and love -- this has brought me closer to people I don't always get along with, this has brought me closer to my husband and son, this has reconnected me with a peace filled friend from my youth.  By making this intentional change in my life, I know that things will only go forward.


There are probably SO many other memories of 2009 that I could include in this list.  This really has been an AWESOME year of new and exciting things.  I know none of them are possible without my faith.

Peace and Love,
AMEN

Where do you put your trust?

I am on several different "devotional emails" that I have been signed up for here and there over the years.  Alot of them I probably never really read.  Some however, from time to time spark my interest and are profound thoughts that usually come at just the right time.  

One in particular that always has something good to say is from a pastor outside of Stonewall Texas.  I met him at a Via De Cristo weekend several years ago and he put all of us on his devotion list.  

Since I have been reading about peace and living in peace and so on here lately, this email from Pastor Percy really struck me in good ways.  Here is a copy of that email:

 "It seems to me that after loving God, my life goal may actually be to have peace within.  I cannot control how much disturbance I may get from outside my life, but to have peace within seems like the way to go.  So long as I am in control of my life, I will be uneasy and uncertain.  I have learned that.  But when God is trusted in one situation or anther, I find I am at peace in that circumstance.  The more I recognize that he is to be trusted the more peace I find within. 

            Jesus told the disciples on a couple occasions as he was leaving the physical world we live in that he gave them peace, not as the world gives, but peace.  That is my prayer.  Could it be yours?  “Father grant me peace and help me see you in all the circumstances and situations of my life."

We talk so much about needing control in our life and who is at the wheel driving our lives.  So much in today's world, we find that we don't trust God in the situations of life.  We find ourselves not wanting to have faith that God will provide, not wanting to have faith that God will be there in EVERYTHING.  


I have been starting my day with prayer more actively for the past few months.  My youth know that often, I carry around my prayer rock "peace" in my pocket when I find that I am unfocused.  


Awhile back I talked about reading a book about happiness coming from within.  All the yarn in the world will not make me happy.  All of the money in the world will not make me happy.  


I think Pastor Percy is right on by his understand that peace works the same way. When I put God in my driver's seat and realize that God is in control, I find that peace.  When I have realized lately that I need to give control to God and asking God how I might serve, there is peace.  Conflicts are handled more easily.  There is not frustration.  There is a calm.  There is an evidence of peace in my life that I have never experienced.


So, I reiterate the prayer from my friend Percy --

Father grant me peace and help me see you in all the circumstances and situations of my life. “ Help me remember God, that in all things, you are in charge.  YOU are God and I am not.  

AMEN 

Favorite Christmas Gift Experience and Favorite Christmas Experience

As we round the corner upon Christmas Eve, I thought it might be fun to look back at a favorite Christmas gift giving experience.

I love gift giving.  I love surprising people with something completely unexpected or exactly what they wanted (even though they had no idea I knew).

I am a hopeless procrastinator.  If I had time, I would be out on Christmas Eve buying presents.  With all that being said, being able to plan the "perfect" gift makes it all that much more fun.

One year when I was in college, my sister and I decided my mother needed a cd player and cds.  (yes this was before mp3s).  So, we set out.  I bought the cd player and we made a list of all of the artists she liked.  We found all the discounts we could and even told my father what cds he needed to go buy.

At this point, my mother was living alone.  She didn't have any music to listen to and just had the tv going.  One of her favorite artists was John Denver but she never got to listen to him.  Phantom of the Opera was her favorite musical, but she never got to listen to them.

My sister and I set out that year to fill my mother's musical needs all in one swoop.  It was fun.  (It is probably also the most congenial experience my sister and I have had together.... let's be honest).

Then let's advance the years to Cade's second Christmas.  My parents came to San Antonio and we were all supposed to have Christmas together.  Or, that was the plan,.  So, my father came with a stomach ache.  By Christmas Eve night, my mother and I were praying to the porcelain gods.  Within hours, my father and Jody joined us in our worship of the porcelain gods.  Cade never got sick  (Thank goodness).

Christmas morning, I honestly don't remember opening gifts.  Cade had a ball while we all sat green and motionless.  Our Christmas dinner sat in the fridge uneaten.  We all had saltines and chicken broth.  Let me add that finding saltines and chicken broth on Christmas day at a store is IMPOSSIBLE.

So why was this a favorite Christmas experience?  Well, we definitely bonded as a family.  As miserable as we were, we still got to watch Cade enjoying the opening of gifts.  As miserable as we all were, we still were alive and able to share Christmas.

Looking back we can laugh.  Looking back we can see the beauty of the togetherness that was shared.  that was what was important.

Merry Christmas

the places we don't want to go back to

So, yesterday I talked about our comfort places.  Comfort places are those places in our life that we felt loved, we found passion, we just had great feelings about.

But, what about the other side of it?  These are the sides we don't like to talk about.  These are the places, people and times that bring hatred, fear, frustration, sadness to light.  These are the times when nothing made sense when everything was hurt hurt hurt.

Many of these places cause us to change as individuals.  Because of the hurt, sadness and anger, we build shells and walls around us.  We don't let others in.  We find it very difficult to trust.  Much more than the valleys of our lives, these places are dark and ugly, sometimes with no view of a way out.

So, what if you had to go back to those places?  I can think of several people and times of my life that I would never want to relive.  These are times when all I wanted to do was lie in the fetal position and make the world go away.  If I had to go back there, I am not sure.

Many of us find times in our lives where we do have to face our ugliest, saddest most treacherous demons.  We have to revisit times in our lives where we didn't like the world around us or we didn't like ourselves.  For some, that is the scariest feeling in the world.  It is much easier to live in denial that that part of your life ever happened.  Facing those fears just doesn't seem worth it.  Or does it?

We all come to a time where we do see those demons.  We may even find that because we have grown and because we are different people, those demons aren't so scary anymore.  When we remember that even if that outside force of whatever kind of hurt it is cannot change who we are, it often makes it easier.  When we grow in love, faith and hope for the world and truly understand that that love is inside us, we can confidently face those demons.  We can look at the past as just that, the past.

AMEN

BUT MOMMY!!! I don't wanna go home

Ok, so I have talked a little about camp in these blogs.  Camp was one of the coolest times in my life.  I counted days until it started yearly and then cried  for hours on the way home.  I don't know that there was anything that much more amazing than my normal life, but camp was my comfort zone.

One of the songs out right now reminds me alot of daydreaming.

Owl City - Fireflies

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep

'Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhereWhy
You'd think me rude
But I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems


The song totally talks about daydreaming for me.  Camp was a place that I wanted time to stand still.  I wanted the week to last forever.  


Life is like that.  For alot of people, childhood was easier.  If they could go back and be a kindergartener, life would be so much easier.  Maybe you had a great high school experience (not me) and reliving your high school memories makes your heart sing.  


Why do we do that?  Why do we want to stay in those comfortable times?  Why do we not want to move on and instead stay in those places?  


Places of our comfort, places where we feel completely loved, places where we are on top of the world, are the best places on earth.  These places are places we go to in our dreams.  These are places that fuel our passion.  These are usually places where we feel no hurt.  


For me, conflict never happened at camp, not like in the outside world.  For me EVERYBODY loved me and I loved everyone.  So... how do we make those comfort zones part of our daily reality?  How do we make those experiences live on and find those experiences in daily life.  


If truth be told, yes camp was one of my favorite memories, but I have to say that I find new exciting experiences every day.  I have experiences that continue to shape me into who I am.  These experiences are priceless.  These experiences show me the love that I can share and show hourly.  


Where are your comfort places?

Learning in Process -- Proceed with Peace

Sometimes in life, we get to a point where we think we have it altogether and sometimes we figure out that we still have alot to learn.

Cade's preschool does a gift from Santa every year.  They do this instead of a gift exchange so that everyone gets something and parents know what their child is getting.  It is cute, a little weird but, whatever.  So, we were told to bring a book wrapped from Santa.

Cade is at a stage where he loves dinosaurs.  So, I was at the bookstore and found this really cool book that talked about the different dinosaurs and even had a section of magnets that he could play with on the back cover.  It was pretty cool.  I wrapped it and took it to school for Santa.

So, yesterday, I go to pick up Cade and get all his party stuff.  He was telling me about Santa and was saying he got a book.  "Oh cool!! Show mom what book you got."  The book was nowhere to be found.  It was not in his cubby, his backpack, or anywhere in the classroom that me, the director and the afternoon teacher could find.

I have to admit, I was pissed.  I was frustrated.  How was I going to explain to my 4 year old that the book he got from Santa was taken home by somebody else and he probably was not going to get it back.  I bought that book specifically for Cade.

The director kept apologizing and assuring me that whoever took it home would bring it back.  Me, still being frustrated, just smiled and said nothing.  We bid our farewell and left.

I was mad.  I was still frustrated with the whole thing.  Cade was upset but 4 year olds get over things alot faster than mommy.

So, the morning after, my understanding and learning continues.  I relooked at the situation in a new light.  Cade has a gazillion books.  We have been blessed with a Nanny who retired from teaching Kindergarten and make Barnes and Nobles look bare when it comes to the children's section.  Cade has other dinosaur books and I can buy him just  about whatever book he wants.

Perhaps the child who took the book home did not have a lot of books.  The child will get alot of enjoyment out of the book and I should be happy that I was able to share that with the child.  Maybe, also, the parent will realize that they took an extra book home and the book will be returned on Monday.

In life we can handle situations in many different ways.  We can rant and get mad when things don't go over well.  We can throw a temper tantrum and be big babies about things.

On the otherhand, we can realize that we have wonderful blessings in our life.  I have a cuddly boy snuggling next to me right now who knows he is loved and cared for more than he can imagine.  We live lives that are not frivilous by any means but we also have the ability to go buy another silly book and move on.

Life is how you choose to take it.  Guess I still have some learning to do.