The things we have to do in life that really just suck

Jody and I are blessed with 2 dogs.  Muffin is a terrier mix that is almost 12 years old.  Houdini is an Australian Shepherd Mix that is almost 9.  We got Muffin out of the paper as a "free to good home" dog and Dini was a pound puppy.  Both dogs have had wonderful lives.

Muffin has always had some problems.  She has had intestinal issues over the years and HORRIFIC allergies to the grass in my backyard.  We have been to the vet many times to find out what is really wrong with her only to be told, we are not sure.  At this stage she has no hair on her belly, she itches her day away and lives on Benadryl.

Now, I am one who is very resolved with death when it comes to my dog's quality of life.  Most nights Muffin comes inside scratches and sleeps.  She also goes through 2 stages each year where she loses alot of weight and then gains alot of weight.  She is at the skin and bones stage right now.  The poor puppy just is not looking happy more and more.  It kills me but I know that her quality of life is on the "it sucks" side right now.

Muffin has been a crazy dog for all of these years.  She is smart as a whip and literally torments Dini for all she is worth.  She is the Alpha dog.  Cade loves Muffin.  Knowing that she is not feeling well, we have designated the "Muffin Sick Pillow" on the couch.  When she is on the "sick pillow," Cade knows to leave Muffin alone.  Muffin would never bite or snap at Cade but knowing she is not feeling great, I worry.  Dini will be heartbroken at Muffin's passing.  Dini is not the brightest light in the Christmas tree and depends on Muffin a ton.

We have known it was coming for a month now.  That doesn't make it any easier.  My selfishness in not wanting to lose my dog makes me say, "oh she will pull through this again."  This time though, I don't think she will.  She wimpers alot so I know she doesn't feel well.  The hardest thing is knowing there is not a pinpoint on what exactly is wrong with her.  Besides allergies, she has never been diagnosed with anything specific.  That makes it difficult.

In my life, I have lost 2 very close dogs.  Cricket was my childhood pekingese.  He was with us for almost 18 years.  He passed away on my birthday.  Sticky was a dog that Jody and I got shortly before we got married.  He was a pound puppy and part Cocker and part Golden.  He was an awesome dog but was taken from us very early in life with cancer.  I know dog death.  I have experienced death with pets.  That doesn't make it any easier. :(