Lots of thoughts in my head – especially in the recent month. With that I thought I needed to start back up on my blog that has never really gone anywhere. (yes I am a procrastinator).
A look back over the month brought so many highs and lows and middles and everywhere in betweens. I have a new and better understanding of my own mortality. I know that when I get “sick” God is usually giving me a swift kick in the butt to say, “Mariesa, you really need to slow down.” I don’t like that. I like the chaos of my mind. I like having so many things going on that I jump constantly from one to the other. I think it is the ADHD. After playing with the pigs, I mean having H1N1, I really see what happens when the world has to go on while I lie in bed helpless. I remember on Day 3, wanting to do a little housework, needing some normal chaos. Yeah, after 10 minutes I was WIPED out. I did a lot of praying that week, in between sleeping and moaning of course. I know that being sick for me is God’s butt kick back into reality. Knowing this helps me to understand the important things. Knowing this helps me to see what truly needs to happen.
Of course, then I go back to the real world and have to play catch up. I have to constantly figure out what I missed and reassess some priorities. With that, I relearn what is important.
This month has been crazy… the longest 30 days of my life would seem too nice. At the beginning of the year, I re-learned that I need to slow down. Why do I have to keep being retaught this valuable lesson? Why does God have to keep reminding me that I am His and He is in control. My life is not my own. Everything I have and do belongs to God. Why then do I let myself get bogged down in monotony and not rejoice in the grace and love that is God. This past Sunday, Pastor talked about the “space junk” that orbits our lives and can plummet into existence at any minute. I don’t want that space junk. I want so desperately to release all of those extra thoughts in my head and just rejoice in the grace and love that is God.
And then there is the reconnection with old friends – the continued connection with people far away and the close connection to people that has even become closer. I thank God daily for all the people in my life that ground me. People who make me understand what my life is and how my life affects others. People that help me see my passion and help me grow closer to God. Thank God for people like my husband who see me at my ugliest and meanest but still love me and help me through my joys and frustrations. Thank God for Cade, who gives me daily joy and understanding of the love I can give him as a mother. With all of these people, I can find a greater sense of love and purpose in my life and the world around me.
In all of my walks of life, I encounter so many different exciting experiences. I thank God daily for this adventure I call life. I praise God for the calm that I so often need but is too often ignored.
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