The things we have to do in life that really just suck

Jody and I are blessed with 2 dogs.  Muffin is a terrier mix that is almost 12 years old.  Houdini is an Australian Shepherd Mix that is almost 9.  We got Muffin out of the paper as a "free to good home" dog and Dini was a pound puppy.  Both dogs have had wonderful lives.

Muffin has always had some problems.  She has had intestinal issues over the years and HORRIFIC allergies to the grass in my backyard.  We have been to the vet many times to find out what is really wrong with her only to be told, we are not sure.  At this stage she has no hair on her belly, she itches her day away and lives on Benadryl.

Now, I am one who is very resolved with death when it comes to my dog's quality of life.  Most nights Muffin comes inside scratches and sleeps.  She also goes through 2 stages each year where she loses alot of weight and then gains alot of weight.  She is at the skin and bones stage right now.  The poor puppy just is not looking happy more and more.  It kills me but I know that her quality of life is on the "it sucks" side right now.

Muffin has been a crazy dog for all of these years.  She is smart as a whip and literally torments Dini for all she is worth.  She is the Alpha dog.  Cade loves Muffin.  Knowing that she is not feeling well, we have designated the "Muffin Sick Pillow" on the couch.  When she is on the "sick pillow," Cade knows to leave Muffin alone.  Muffin would never bite or snap at Cade but knowing she is not feeling great, I worry.  Dini will be heartbroken at Muffin's passing.  Dini is not the brightest light in the Christmas tree and depends on Muffin a ton.

We have known it was coming for a month now.  That doesn't make it any easier.  My selfishness in not wanting to lose my dog makes me say, "oh she will pull through this again."  This time though, I don't think she will.  She wimpers alot so I know she doesn't feel well.  The hardest thing is knowing there is not a pinpoint on what exactly is wrong with her.  Besides allergies, she has never been diagnosed with anything specific.  That makes it difficult.

In my life, I have lost 2 very close dogs.  Cricket was my childhood pekingese.  He was with us for almost 18 years.  He passed away on my birthday.  Sticky was a dog that Jody and I got shortly before we got married.  He was a pound puppy and part Cocker and part Golden.  He was an awesome dog but was taken from us very early in life with cancer.  I know dog death.  I have experienced death with pets.  That doesn't make it any easier. :(

Preparing, Watching, Waiting

Tomorrow starts the season of the church year for many known as Advent.  Advent is the season of preparing, watching and waiting.  Every child understands it as preparing, watching and waiting for Christmas.  I mean, that is the important part, right?  We prepare the house for company and for little kids -- preparing the Christmas lists for Santa.  We watch as it gets colder and snows (if you are in the right parts of the world).  We watch the sale papers to get the best deals.  And the waiting...  Children wait in line to sit on Santa's lap.  We wait for Christmas dinner to be ready.  We wait for .... well lots of stuff (as Cade would put it) during this month.

So is that really what Advent is all about?  Is it all about getting to Christmas Day and all the stuff that goes with that?  I surely hope not.

Preparing -- How is the right way to prepare during this season and throughout the year?  We constantly avoid our God time.  We constantly worry about self gratification instantly instead of concentrating on our gratitude and giving that blesses others as well as blessing us. We need to prepare our hearts for God and not constantly worry about preparing our priority lists and our next big function.

Watching -- The more I know about God in my own life, the more I see God.  The Glory of God is EVERWHERE.  If we just would take time to relax and enjoy life, we would really see God.  (Yes, I am speaking to myself in alot of ways).

Waiting -- This is the hardest for me.  Much of my faith has questioned what exactly I am waiting for.  I understand it but I don't and I think that is ok.  I am waiting for something bigger than myself.  I am waiting for what is to come and even though I don't have words to express that in many ways, that makes the waiting that much more interesting.

Now, there are alot of other "ing" words during this season that I do think have their importance in my life and my faith.
Giving and loving - These are things we should ALWAYS do.  GIving of ourselves, giving to our friends and loved ones...give.  And love?  I could not exist without love.  In my own capacity, I am put on this earth to love others always unconditionally.

Wanting -Cade has figured out the wanting side of Christmas.  I want that, mommy.  I want that, mommy.  I really want that.  I hear it at least 10 times a day.  More than wanting, I think we long for something greater.  We long for a better life.  We long for what is to come.  I remember a song from National Youth Gathering a few years ago, "Bound for Greater Things" by Ken Medema.

We are bound for greater things
Bound to want a higher goal
Joined by dreams and led by vision
we will know the Grace of God

There are wonderful things that go into this season.  This Advent season helps to remind us of important parts of our faith.  We should really, though, focus and remember these things everyday of our lives.  As we go through the preparing and experiencing the sights and sounds of Christmas, let us each be mindful that we are preparing, waiting and watching for something WAY bigger than December 25.

AMEN

oh the joys of materialism and retail therapy

So, today is Black Friday.  Today is the day where the whole of America's retail industry is supposed to be in the "black" for the year.  Rock bottom prices abound on this the day after Thanksgiving.  This day, weekend rather always just amazes me.

So, what did I do at 3:00 am this morning -- you guessed it -- stood in line.  Insert rolling eyes here.  Now, before any passing judgement occurs, I strongly disagree with most bargaining techniques to lure the public to spend way beyond their means only to go into greater debt.  We are not a credit card family.  Every year we come to this time of year and save up a little extra for Christmas and for things we actually need.

So, what did  I wait in line for at 3:00 am this morning?  Jody and I now own an Acer Aspire Netbook.  We have a computer that has limped along and gets more and more error messages lately.  There is only so many registry fixes and defrags and memory resets that a computer can handle.  The upgrade has come for awhile and the deal was right.

What did I learn from all of this?  You meet interesting people standing in line at Sam's Club at 3 in the morning.  We talked about a little bit of everything.  We talked about family and church and how crazy we all must be to be out there.  A benefit of Sam's Club was only members were fighting for the best deals.  (Hey and continental breakfast).

It was a fun morning.  I got what I needed, had some good connecting time, and hey I finished a knitted gift too.  What amazed me was all of the people that just went crazy at the anticipation of the hunt -- the thrill of the best deal.  As I have said many times before, I am not a shopper.  I don't get alot of excitement out of browsing stores forever.  I circled what I wanted at Walmart and we got 1 of the things (jammies for Cade).

It was just so bizarre to watch materialism at its best.  Last year we bought a tv.  A tube in our TV was going out the first part of October.  We knew it was inevitable.  We saved the money and again were part of the thrill of Black Friday.  I don't think I will ever be that into the sales.  I don't think I will EVER go from store to store -- but, if the deal is right, I will do it.

May everyone get everything they desire and live within their means this holiday season.

AMEN

(and Cade looks really cute in his new Toy Story jammies)

Comfort

As everyone finishes their Thanksgiving meals, stuffing themselves with all sorts of yummies, watching games and parades, visiting and fighting with family (yeah we all do it),  I really start thinking about comfort.  You know that shiny happy feeling you get when everything just feels good.  (Yes, that is before you over stuff yourself).

This is the time of year when "comfort" comes most to mind.  This is when all the snuggly blankets, fleece pajamas and fuzzy slippers show up in the ads at WalMart and Target.  People, probably not in San Antonio, begin to build fires in the fire place, drink hot chocolate and get out the cozy winter coats.

So this got me thinking on this Thanksgiving day.  What are the most comforting and warm, fuzzy feelings in my world.  In the morning, Cade comes and joins us in bed.  "Mommy, can we snuggle?"  There is not a more comforting feeling in the world.  When Jody surprises me with something, anything just because.... that is very comforting.

Then, warm, snuggly soft yarn.  My favorite will always be Malabrigo.  It slides off needles like butter and is a joy to knit.  More comforting though is to be able to create gifts for family and friends that come from the heart.  Thoughts and prayers go into each stitch off the needles -- more than they could ever know.  Being able to make things for people, versus going to thousands of stores looking for the perfect gift (remember, I don't like to shop) just is very comforting.

The tastes and smells of the holiday season.  Starting at Halloween really -- I love the smells of candied apples, all things pumpkin, apple cider.  Thanksgiving comes with turkey and cranberries.  Both of these are favorites.  Then comes Christmas.  Spices and smells of Christmas just make one warm and fuzzy inside.

So, why do all of these things create comfort for me?  Many of the things that we find comforting in life are because of memories.  It is comforting to remember things in the past that are sparked from a smell or a feeling.  Many comforting things help us to feel the love and warmth from another.  Also, we can spread that love around -- very comfortable.

May all of my loved ones find comfort and peace in this world around them.

AMEN

A work of art

Ever since I was very young, I loved all things "art." I loved the process of creating art, I loved looking at art... everything. Over the past few days the subject of art has made it into several of my conversations.

At church, we have been creating prayer stones -- forming bits of clay and then when they harden writing words or drawings that help express our feelings in prayer.

I knit. Knitting has become my current creative expression of art. Knitters are such funny people and always get in arguments over types of yarn and ways people knit. The subject of novelty yarn had come up. Most either love it or hate it. Another knitter put it very simply -- novelty yarn is like junk food for the needles -- it is not good for you but sometimes you just have to use it. (for you non yarn people -- novelty yarn is like fun fur and goofy textures and usually all acrylic. This is as opposed to natural fibers).

Someone also described her knitting and designing as creating and a work of art. As we know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have knitted some items that I would not give my dog for a chew toy. I just don't find them aesthetical. There is always someone who loves them.

I used to paint and draw. These were my times of greatest spiritual release at that stage of my life. I would be inspired by songs or scriptures or really just life in general. I remember standing at a concert with 60,000 people all worshiping God It was breathtaking. I had to paint it. I had to find a way to express that joy onto that canvas.

I have also done a bit of sculpture and pottery. While these did not give me as much satisfaction and joy, I still found them quite enjoyable. One piece, pictured above, was with mixed media of chicken wire armature and paper mache. We were supposed to create a vessel of life. Forming and playing with the chicken wire reminded me of fire. I remembered growing up and the "planned burns" in West Texas of ranchland to help make the soil more rich. The piece became known as "Dying to be Reborn" and was displayed in an religious Art Show in downtown Chicago.

I was talking with a friend about digital art and he said it was "just on a computer." It wasn't like it was done with a paint brush. I disagree.

Through all of the different media I have used to create art throughout my life, I have found that even cutting little scraps of paper and gluing into a collage, provides me great comfort and joy. I become more aware of my surroundings because I notice the darks and the lights the positive and negative energies that are there.

Art is what you make it -- whatever you make it. Art is an expression of being, of loving and of beauty in every form.

AMEN

The Art of Just Being

Sundays are crazy busy. Usually by the time I slow down and take a breath, the world has flown past and it is time for bed. They are usually filled with stress, confusion, wild craziness, overscheduling... yeah and I love every minute of it normally.

Today was different. You might ask, how?
Easy answer -- I started it in silent prayerful meditation. Normally my Sundays start focused on such crazy energy that it is pure adrenaline. Today was not adrenaline. Today was passion. Today was the spirit. That is the only way I can explain it. I turned off all the lights in my office, lit a candle and prayed.

If someone had told me several months ago, that I would find time in my Sunday to stop and be, I would have laughed at them. Sundays are noisy. There is no other way of putting it. It is not bad noise, in fact on the contrary, Sundays rock. They are usually so full of busyness that it is awesome. The difference however, is because I started the day in peace, my day was a lot more peaceful.

I have been talking to my youth alot about prayer. Teaching people about how important prayer and quiet time is in this overscheduled world is hard. People don't want to think about adding one more thing to their schedules. That was the beauty of this though. I was sitting checking email, saw my candle I frequently use for quiet time and just did it.

2 months ago, ridding my head of the noise was difficult. Concentrating on my breathing and nothing else took alot of effort but not as much now. It is amazing when you slow the world down, how awake your senses become. I was drinking green tea (who would've thought). The flavors intensified because I had released the other noise. Candles are amazing. Watching them flicker and the light dancing and brightening is mesmerizing. When watching a candle during prayer time, the light is that much more amazing.

I spent time quietly going through my day. I spent time focusing on the things of my day that normally bring me stress and releasing those things from me. I focused on last Sunday and how energized and joyful the experiences were. I focused on my youth and the encounters I would have with them over the course of the day. I focused on just be-ing. I focused on not focusing.

So, what did I get from that whole experience. I was energized. I felt lighter and ready to take on whatever was thrown my way and just really concentrated on enjoying the day. The ease of the day, in all its busyness, did not seem quite as busy. And now as the day closes, I am still more excited for my passions, my vision and my calling. I am excited for the changes that are happening around me and with me and I want to share that with everyone I see.

How simple it was to just start the day in silence communing my spirit with God.
AMEN

Thanksgiving Status Updates -- part deaux

It has been a crazy interesting month. Earlier in my blogs I had started a "being thankful" blog. It was disjointed and not well thought out and I wanted to try it again.

Over the past month, people on Facebook have been posting "status updates" about what they are thankful for. It has been interesting. Some are grateful for little things that happen through the day, "post" Fort Hood shootings -- people posted about being thankful for safety and thankful for the survivors and such. Overall people have really had a lot of "fun" with this subject. (My husband even posted that he was thankful for his queen sized bed).

In my sermon preparation, last week on "giving" and "thanks," a friend asked "why we give?" I was reminded of this as I sat at our community Thanksgiving service for the Randolph Area Christian Assistance Program. The Pastor used the story Stone Soup to talk about the fact that we are all blessed. Because we are blessed, we bless others.

Sometimes we don't feel blessed. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut. Sometimes bad things happen. All of these things are fact. (or our opinion of the situation, I guess). We don't want to look at the whole picture and scratch beneath the surface. We want to see our glass as half empty. (all cliche's I know).

So for this Thanksgiving, let's scratch the surface. Let us look at the whole picture.

I'll start -- here is my "official" Thanksgiving Status Update
I'm thankful for my family. I have a loving and caring family. Yes we have put up with alot in our lives but we always come out on top. We support each other. We are fighters. We know that at the end of the day, we can all sit around and laugh about the world.

I am thankful that I live in a city that has a proud military existence. I don't know that I ever understood military life until I took my current position at Christ the King. I always appreciated it, yes, but I understand it better now. I lift up our armed forces in prayer at all times. I am proud of the freedom that they help me to have. I am honored to know and love them of all shapes and sizes. (active, retired and family members)

I am thankful to have a job that challenges, uplifts, blesses and provides in abundance. I love the people I work with, love the church that I serve and love all that goes with it. I am blessed to be a part of Christ the King Lutheran Church.

I am thankful to be able to enjoy the things in life that I love to do. I am blessed to be able knit, to be able to play the violin, to be able to exercise and enjoy it, to be able to play in parks with Cade... and oh so many things. There are many in this world that are not able to have fun and I am so blessed that I constantly have that opportunity.

I am blessed by the sights and sounds of this world that remind me that God is great. Being able to experience God's creation on so many levels is a truly beautiful thing.

I am thankful for my friends. My friends excite me. My friends challenge me. My friends teach me. My friends love me. My friends care. I could list them one by one but they all know who they are and I thank God for them daily.

I am thankful for experiences. I am thankful for the highs and the lows of life. All of life is a learning experience and I love that I can learn and grow in my understanding of this wonderful world. I am thankful for the good times that I can praise God for. I am also thankful for the bad times that help me learn something new about myself and grow in that.

I am thankful for so many things. More of those are revealed to me on an hourly basis sometimes. I am thankful for life. I could go on forever probably and still not totally cover everything.

Thank you God that I am able to be in this world and encounter everything that I am given. Help all of us this Thanksgiving understand what we are thankful for and to give thanks for those blessings every day of our lives.
AMEN