What are you longing for?

"Like billowing clouds, like the incessant gurgle of the brook, the longing of the soul can never be stilled. It is this longing with which holy persons seek their work from God." Hildegard of Bingen

Over this past month of blogs, I really have found myself longing and looking for something. How interesting that I open up a book today to find that the next chapter is "Longing." I currently am reading Wonder, Fear and Longing by Mark Yaconelli. It is an ongoing read and probably one that I will reread many many times.

In our childhood, our infancy of faith, our prayers can often be for material things. I really pray that I get a new bike for Christmas. God, please let us not have brussel sprouts again. They are really gross. Someone a while back even mass marketed a whole book on children's letters to God.

Our prayers can also turn to our health. Dear God, make me healthy. Dear God, get me through this physical pain I am in. Dear God, please keep my mother safe as she has surgery. These prayers feed on our desire for help NOW. We pray for things on our time frame. We have this burning desire for instant gratification. We want healing our way. Sometimes that isn't possible. Sometimes we don't accept our part in this two way conversation and ask for help rather than "God do it NOW."

But my prayers lately have been neither of these two things. Spending time in silence, freeing the noise and frustrations of the world from my head to fully spend time with God is becoming more of what I long for. In my prayer, I have begun to really listen. So often my prayers are all me -- talk, talk, talking away. It is only when I stop, really pay attention and release my thoughts can I truly listen to God. I have always known prayer to be a two way conversation. Knowing and actually praying that way are two totally different things. When I can stop my own selfish wants and desires, my prayer time becomes so much more fruitful.

Often in those times where I can truly just listen, things become more clear. I am drawn to something greater than myself, I am drawn to understand me a little better. It is a beautiful thing. It is something that I don't know that I always comprehend. It is something that doesn't always happen. When I can truly erase that noise and free all the silly insignificant thoughts from my head and really pray from my heart, my soul sings. It really does.

God, may I always long for YOU. May my yearning for you spill out in ways that I can never fully understand.
AMEN