God's time and in God's way

Well... I am going to take a different path in today's blog. I am realizing that I need to redo yesterday's blog. Blogging post cortisone shot and with a good pain killer in the system made for a very loopy all over the place blog yesterday. We will try that one again later.

But alas-- thoughts for today.

Alot of my friends, with this economy and place the world is in right now, are between jobs, losing jobs, just taking new jobs. That is a scary, uncertain place. I have been there. The times in your life when you are so so happy but something snaps and you realize that God is taking you somewhere different. Some of my friends have family that is deployed or they are waiting for their new station assignments. There again lies lots of uncertainty. It is not a fun place. On positive side, two of my friends are preparing for marriages. Wow... those are times of uncertainty that are really happy times.

So what do we do with all that? I am preparing a sermon for Sunday. The readings are interesting. We start with Exodus 16:1-12. The Israelites are cranky because things aren't happening their way on their time clock. They don't understand why, if they are chosen people, they can't just have it NOW. Burger King had a slogan with this very sentiment "Have it your way, right away at Burger King Now."

The Psalm, 138, talks about giving thanks, God always providing... but the last line is somewhat troubling "do not abandon the works of your hands." So David is praising and praising and praising God, but then that power of uncertainty comes back, even to David. I put all my trust in you so please don't desert me.

And the Gospel -- Luke 12:13-21. This one is an eyeopener for me. The parable talks about a rich man who has a really great crop. He decides to store everything so he will live comfortably on all of his good fortune. But God says to him that his life is going to be demanded of him. So it is those who store up treasures for themselves but are not rich toward God. Ouch. We live such a "mine mine mine me me me" mentality that when we are reminded of sharing and giving we don't like it. Not that we are greedy people, mind you, but we work so hard for everything we have and we are supposed to share. As I said alot when I was little "THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

One of my youth groups had an interesting sharing opportunity once. We were headed into this really cool pizza place (think Gattis only the size of HEB). This place had tons of pizza, games, you name it. As we were headed in, we were approached by a family (mom and 3 kids). They were looking for gas money, food, anything really. I forget the whole situation but basically the 2 older kids had not eaten in 2 days and the mom in 3. Everything they had they were feeding to the 5 year old girl.

It was another of those "leaps of faith" moments. They could have been lying. They could have known what "America's Incredible Pizza" was. So, the group all decided that they should come in and eat with us. How could we in good conscience go in and engorge ourselves on pizza, pasta and salad when these people outside might have really been hungry.

The group sat separate from us. I did not push, because you could tell they were overwhelmed. They didn't realize it was an "all you can eat" buffet. I have never seen anyone put away SO MUCH FOOD. The teenage girl grumbled about pizza (which knowing teenagers made me laugh) but when she realized there was salad and pasta, she had 3 plates FULL. The five year old must have put away at least a pizza and a half.

I remember my group of 3-6 graders. They were unsure if we did the right thing. It was cool though when they, too, realized that these people were in fact hungry and we had shared something so simple as a meal with them. It was beautiful.

I know I am as bad as everyone else when it comes to "me me me" "now now now!" I know also though how rich an experience it is to put the me's and the now's away and to let God take over... to take that leap of faith.

AMEN

The Thanksgiving Status Update

So, alot of people have been posting a status update on their Facebooks today. It challenges something to the effect of looking for things you are thankful for everyday up until Thanksgiving. Interesting concept but I have been told twice in the last few days that I update my status way too much (uh bite me). So, instead, I am going to concentrate the next few blogs on things and people and events I am thankful for.

Gratitude and thankfulness is something I spend each evening in prayer about. All I have been given and all that I can give to others belongs to God and I fully believe that I should humbly give thanks for that at all times.

So today, I want to concentrate on THINGS that I am thankful for.

I am thankful for my cell phone. I know in this day and age that can seem very petty and almost hideous for someone to be thankful of but ... without my cell phone, I would not be able to communicate and share love with all the youth in my youth group. The communication ability I have with this crazy Blackberry phone is unreal.

Fresh Basil -- probably one of my favorite spices and one of my favorite "accessories" to any dish. I love the flavor and texture and brightness that it adds to food.

Cade's "Lucky" stuffed animal. At TLU this weekend, we stopped by the bookstore. Cade just HAD TO HAVE a stuffed animal. He has carried that thing NONSTOP and would be devastated if anything happened ot Lucky. It is really cute.

My yarn -- another thing that seems petty but no. When Cade was 4 months old, I learned to knit. It is fun, relaxing, interesting and helps me to create fun gifts for my family and friends.


So, why am I thankful of things? Things are just things. They can be replaced in a moment's notice. Things are unimportant, kinda. Alot of times though, things in our lives can spark a memory. Basil for instance reminds me of the art parties in Illinois. The three professors and a bunch of the art girls would get together several times a year. It was sorta potluck with some good wine. It was fun and relaxing. Someone would usually bring a nice fresh green salad with basil leaves. Oh it was heavenly. Everything I had known of basil was dried herby flavorlessness.

So, things that are important to me may not be important to anyone else in the world and that is TOTALLY ok. Sometimes things can seem unimportant but years later you look back and think --hmmm I could not have lived without this thing. 10 years ago, you could not have paid me to carry a cell phone. I thought they were stupid. Now, it is my major form of communication.

Interesting how things change and WOW am I thankful for things.

I have always been "church people"

I was born into the church. I was baptized as a month old infant. My parents were always very involved with all things church. I'm a good Lutheran through and through. Well, pretty much.

So, when people start asking me questions like -- When were you saved? When did you receive Christ as your Lord and Savior? and others like that -- I am always honest and open. I was baptized as a Child of God as an infant, I fully understood and accepted that as an "Affirmation of my Baptism" in 8th grade.

But it goes way beyond that. I am doing sermon prep for next Sunday. When Pastor is away on business or vacation and there is not a supply Pastor who can easily step in, I am called on to lead the service. It is something I enjoy doing and lets me conquer some challenges and learn a little more about scripture in the process.

So, while looking through one of the readings for next Sunday, Titus 3:1-8, I was reading the side questions that went with the verses. "What were you like before God showed you his mercy?" Hmm... interesting thought. I believe God has always showed me mercy. I believe as a child of God, I have always had that infinite grace. Then I scratch the surface of the question and whole worlds open up.

We all have times in our lives where we have been "less than perfect." We all have some moments of our lives that really are not things we enjoy talking about. They may not be skeletons in the closet stuff but they are still parts of our lives that we really want to keep in storage, not visible to the human eye.

I think coming out of the dark times of our lives is definitely when God shows us mercy. We are shown that even in those ugly times, God is still there and still loving us -- eventhough we don't really want that love.

We are to "slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all people." (Titus 3:2)Those are tough words but they are so easy. My junior year in college, I was coming from one of those dark places. I tested the waters alot my sophomore year and found many raging currents that I never want to go back to. So coming into my junior year I reclaimed what I knew to be God's love. I started going to church / chapel again. I held down a job. I passed all my classes. These should have all been little things but they were so much more. During that time, I realized who I wanted to be and who I wanted to leave in the past. I graciously accepted God's loving arms where I found safety.

I don't know if any of this will make it into next weeks sermon, but it definitely found a place in my soul today.

AMEN

My Body is a Temple -- so I need to take care of it

In the summer of 1994, I developed Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in my left hand. At that point the options were surgery and being without your hand for 6 weeks, cortisone shots (I hate shots) or wear braces and endure the pain. I had other things going on at the time -- college, work, violin playing, papers on computer -- so I endured the pain and wear braces.

15 years of avoiding another orthopedic surgeon visit. I don't like doctors. I don't like admitting I am in pain either. When I have to wear my braces in public, I am embarrassed. I know that sounds silly but my ego immediately flashes to "Mariesa, you are weak." I just don't like to show myself as vulnerable. I have said this before.

I have to buy a new brace every year and it has really gone ok. Then I had to go and get older. Getting old sucks (yes I know I am just a baby -- but people I am still getting older).

Last spring I started to develop tendonitis in my right elbow. Yeah tennis elbow from playing the violin. I bought a brace and figured I could just endure the pain like I have for all these years with my carpal tunnel. Well, it is not going away.

The tendonitis hurts so bad that when I talk on the phone too long, my elbow actually locks. This sucks. My nuissance is now becoming a hindrance to my life. I am finding that playing the violin hurts ALOT. That sucks. Knitting is even beginning to hurt my carpal tunnel.

Now, before you think that this is Mariesa's Pity Party blog.... no. That could not be farther from the truth. I have been working on my prayer life, my spirituality for awhile now. (pretty obvious for anyone following my blog). 1 Corinthians 6:19 - 20, which is shown as the reason people shouldn't get tattoos and people should not deface their bodies. It is so much more than that. I have denied my body from being a temple by not keeping my hands and now my elbow healthy. I have pretty much abused my body by not taking care of the carpal tunnel for so long and now for letting the tendonitis go on.

So, I sucked it up and called an Orthopedic Surgeon this morning. Surgery is the last thing from my mind but I want this to get taken care of. I want this poor tendon to heal so that I can bend and straighten my arm like normal people. I really don't know what it will feel like to knit while feeling all of my fingers and having no numbness. I hate doctors. I hate having to go to doctors. BUT, my body is a temple and I really need to take better care of it.

What are you longing for?

"Like billowing clouds, like the incessant gurgle of the brook, the longing of the soul can never be stilled. It is this longing with which holy persons seek their work from God." Hildegard of Bingen

Over this past month of blogs, I really have found myself longing and looking for something. How interesting that I open up a book today to find that the next chapter is "Longing." I currently am reading Wonder, Fear and Longing by Mark Yaconelli. It is an ongoing read and probably one that I will reread many many times.

In our childhood, our infancy of faith, our prayers can often be for material things. I really pray that I get a new bike for Christmas. God, please let us not have brussel sprouts again. They are really gross. Someone a while back even mass marketed a whole book on children's letters to God.

Our prayers can also turn to our health. Dear God, make me healthy. Dear God, get me through this physical pain I am in. Dear God, please keep my mother safe as she has surgery. These prayers feed on our desire for help NOW. We pray for things on our time frame. We have this burning desire for instant gratification. We want healing our way. Sometimes that isn't possible. Sometimes we don't accept our part in this two way conversation and ask for help rather than "God do it NOW."

But my prayers lately have been neither of these two things. Spending time in silence, freeing the noise and frustrations of the world from my head to fully spend time with God is becoming more of what I long for. In my prayer, I have begun to really listen. So often my prayers are all me -- talk, talk, talking away. It is only when I stop, really pay attention and release my thoughts can I truly listen to God. I have always known prayer to be a two way conversation. Knowing and actually praying that way are two totally different things. When I can stop my own selfish wants and desires, my prayer time becomes so much more fruitful.

Often in those times where I can truly just listen, things become more clear. I am drawn to something greater than myself, I am drawn to understand me a little better. It is a beautiful thing. It is something that I don't know that I always comprehend. It is something that doesn't always happen. When I can truly erase that noise and free all the silly insignificant thoughts from my head and really pray from my heart, my soul sings. It really does.

God, may I always long for YOU. May my yearning for you spill out in ways that I can never fully understand.
AMEN

Seeing is Believing--- and BEing is believing too

Have you ever felt a spiritual connection? You feel that harmony between two people and they connect much more than the surface. It is a beautiful thing. It is not a very understandable thing, but when it happens WOW.

How does a parent know that their child is hurt before it happens? spiritual connection

That one makes sense but most of the time we don't like to worry with that connection. We spend so much time over texts, calling on the phone, or fleeting conversations here and there that we don't often get to make that connection.

I watched that connection happen innocently this weekend. It was odd, weird, interesting and beautiful. Two people that were not supposed to like each other connected. They broke down the walls and took off the masks. They forgot about the preconceived ideas, the past and just had harmony.

Why do we lose those connections? Why do we not let ourselves see below the surfaces of our relationships?

I think it all goes back to BEing. We spend so much time living up to expectations and going through the motions of life that we forget to BE. We forget to enjoy each other. Even if we see the faults of the other person that have always there, we can still find comfort and peace with each other.

It is a beautiful thing.

reflections of a sleep deprived Youth Director

First off let me say that at any age about say -- 25 yrs -- one is seriously getting too old to stay up all night long with a group of kids. But, I love it and although I am whipped off my butt right now, there is an adrenaline inside of me that is ready to go again.

So, last night some of my high school youth wanted an all night movie fest. Being Halloween night, I knew it would only be a handful, so I figured why not. We set in for a night of cheesy "scary" movies and way too much sugar to be legal and just a goofy time.

It always amazes me what throwing a group of kids that sorta get along together, may not hang out together at school and who occasionally HATE each other do when they are sleep deprived and full of sugar and laughter. As I travel through this journey of BEing, I really have started watching people BE even if they don't realize it.

You have the group of people that is so comfortable in their own skin that it comes naturally. These people may or may not have interpersonal relationships with others they are with but still just are being "them" and that is fine. It is interesting to watch these people especially in a high school setting because they really have others in the group who want what they have -- not because they are so much cooler or better looking but because really they don't stress and have let go of inhibitions (even though they usually don't know it).

Then you have the group of people who has hurts. They are not sure of what directional path to be on. They want to have what group A has but they are really looking for it. If this group of people allows themselves, puts aside the hurts, the unsure things that are keeping them from BEing then they really can start to see, even if only for a night that life is good. If they can continue and keep it up, who knows, they might just really start BEing.

Group C is alot like Group B. They have been group A. They really did it very well. They enjoyed being natural and in their own skin. Some outside stimulus has shattered that comfort. Something somewhere has made them question BEing. It's these people who are reaching for that BEing again. They don't like the questions, they don't like the noise. They want the normalcy back that comes with enjoying BEing.

And then our final group, Group D. This is a group that is so desperately searching to be comfortable. They want what everyone else has. They really have no idea how to get it. These people usually are the younger ones, the ones who just want to fit in. Often times they have to live up to the expectations of a sibling in the group or one that has moved on from the group. There is nothing worse than being ___'s little brother or ____'s little sister. I was an older sibling. I think I experienced every group in high school except this one. This group of people has so much to do and live up to that they have the hardest time just BEing.

High School youth are funny people. They can hate each other one minute. The next minute when they forget they are supposed to hate each other -- it is that moment that they really can just BE. They break down all the walls between one another, all of the outer shells and masks that keep them from really just BEing. It is an awesome sight to watch, even if it does happen at 3 am after a ton of soda and pixie sticks. The little idiosyncracies are still there. They will always have the little picks and jabs that are so classic amongst high school youth. Watching those walls break down is harmony. You can actually see their spirits singing for whatever it was missing. Watching a group of spirits connect and just BE together is just really cool.

SO, who knows what will become of the events of the lock in last night. I will definitely be detoxing from way too much soda, not enough water and severely unhealthy food. And perhaps this group of wonderful young people will never find the harmony they lived in last night, but maybe just maybe they will realize that just BEing together is great. And maybe that will help them draw more to just BE too.

AMEN