My heart's desire is to be made whole -- to be in balance. Many times that is easier said than done. I can say it but do I really mean it. The other day at church (well for the past few weeks actually), people have been asking if I I am losing weight. I don't know. No idea. I don't think I totally care (at least not in the "oh my goodness I lost __ pounds" way.
I try to be a humble person. I am never quite sure what to say when someone says, "oh I really liked your children's message today." I am thinking, thanks but it was really God I just used the words. I guess the same goes for "wow you really look like you are losing weight." All I can think is, well I am living like God wants me to live and getting stronger and whole-er all the time so if I am losing weight, cool. I never know how to answer.
I have done the diet roller coasters. I have done the myriad of get weight off quick schemes out there. All they do is give me a false sense of security that lead me to a path of failure and unhappiness the first time I fall off the weight loss bandwagon. You see, when I started on this newfound journey of prayer and meditation I think I am coming to realize that in order to REALLY feel whole, I also have to feed my body the correct things as well as my soul.
That is NOT easy in a world of stress and junk food and yummy things that my body wants to eat. Oh fried chicken, how I love thee. As my senses are becoming heightened through this whole experience, I am realizing that food tastes better when I really savor it and feed my body good food.
It's not that I don't care about weight loss or that others shouldn't care about weight loss. For me, however, when I become fixated on "oh I have to lose 2 pounds," then I sabotage my happiness, my peace. I become so focused on that next pound of weight loss or that next milestone, that I lose sight of the important things in life. I lose sight of the fun, the relaxation. I lose me in the process.
I am not a junk food eater. Well, not totally true -- I like a good candy bar every now and then. When stressed, keep chips out of my being. But overall, snacking on junk food doesn't excite me at all. Today for lunch I went to Chipotle. This Chipotle has an outdoor patio that overlooks this wonderful little underdeveloped plot of land. It is green and lush with all the rain. My ultimate favorite thing is the burrito bowl -- no rice, black beans, chicken, lettuce, ALL hot sauces except that corn one. And my luxury item -- guacamole. That is the YUMMIEST party in my mouth that can be had.
Sitting there eating, in silence watching the world just BE -- I really started to appreciate the taste of this burrito bowl. It was such a relaxing lunch -- no stress, no time deadlines, just me and the yumminess. I have no idea if I am losing weight. I can say that for the first time in my life, I have no real stress. The stress is still there but I am having a lot easier time releasing it. Trying to live this life of peace and enjoyment has made me ultimately calm.
God, grant me the strength and passion to live in the moment. Help me keep that peace and calm amidst the stress of life. Help me to keep striving to BE. AMEN.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment