Thy Will be done.

I'm writing this in tears right now. Vulnerability is a scary thing to me because I always try to appear really strong on the outside. But sometimes when you hurt you have to express it. So here goes:

I have a friend in pain... pain beyond anything I can ever imagine. She has been in this pain for over 8 years and it's not fair. It's not something I understand or that I want to. I have had anger. I have had fear. And, it sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It hurts me that I have so much peace and love to give and I can't help her AT ALL!! We pray for healing. We pray for doctor's hands. We pray for peace. Sometimes those answers don't come in ways we can understand. Sometimes those answers when put in God's hands don't make sense and that has to be ok. IT SUCKS but it has to be ok.

Below is a song, by Jacob's Road called "I choose trust." The first time I heard this song, I realized I was very angry with God because of my friend. I realized that I had to trust that God would take care of her. I realized I had to trust. That is hard. That sucks. It really is not fair. It is really all I have right now. Here are the lyrics:

why do bad things happen to good people
people that I love
I spend so much time just trying to fill in the blanks
a reason for this rhyme
but I only find myself more angry
and I only find myself confused
I choose trust
when I cannot stand
though I would take a different road if this were in my hands
but what I can’t see is how You redeem
all of this brokenness
to bring down Your holiness
so I choose trust
Lord, You know my pain
cause I am the reason that You gave Your son away
and this is my peace
knowing that You will not be shaken
and that You are holding me
so when I find myself more anxious
and when I find myself confused


God, I need to trust in your peace today. I need to find your love and I need to be able to give it to my friend. I know we sometimes don't understand why things happen and that has to be ok. It sucks God. It really does. Help me find peace. Help my friend find peace and comfort in the midst of her pain. Eventhough I cannot imagine the answers, God, I trust that your Will will be done and I have to understand it. Help me understand it.
AMEN